South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralStan Marsh Quotes
Wendy: Stan? We're still Valentines, right?
Stan: Sure, Wendy, whatever.
Kyle: Hey! We should buy Ms. Ellen Valentine's Day presents.
Stan: Yeah! We'll go to the mall tonight!
Cartman: I'm gonna buy a vacuum cleaner. Chicks like vacuum cleaners.
Wendy: Stan, you know Valentine's Day is coming up.
Stan: Yeah, I know.
Wendy: I was thinking maybe we could go on a cruise.
Stan: Dude, I can't afford a cruise!
Wendy: I know. We could sit in a box in your back yard, and pretend it's a cruise.
Cartman: (Laughs hysterically) That's so lame!
Wendy: Then maybe we can dress up in costumes, like we're getting married.
Cartman: (Laughs) Stop it! You're killing me over here!
Stan: I can't wait to show Miss Ellen what a raging lesbian I am!
Cartman: I'm a bigger lesbian then you!
Stan: You're a fatter lesbian then me!
Kyle: Screw you guys, I'm king lesbian!
Damien: I'm sorry that I ruined your playground, and turned your friend in to a duck-billed platypuss. I didn't have a choice! I was doing my father's bidding.
Cartman: (Farts) Oh, Sorry, new kid. I didn't mean to fart on you, I didn't have a choice!
Stan: Eww, new kid, you smell like a fart.
Kyle: Yeah, now we're gonna call you fart boy from now on.
(Damien goes over to Pip)
Stan: Goodbye, fart boy.
Kyle: See ya.
Pip: Well, how'd it go?
Damien: Those boys farted on me, and called me---
Pip: Fart boy? Oh good! Perhaps they wont call me that anymore!
Stan: Hey Cartman, how come the birthday invitation you gave me says "Green Megaman."
Kyle: Yeah, mine says "Red Megaman."
Cartman: Right, that's what your supposed to get me for my birthday.
Stan: DUDE!?!?! You're not supposed to tell people what to give you for your birthday!
Kyle: Yeah, that's weak.
Cartman: Look it's very simple guys. "Green Megaman" goes with "Red Megaman" and "Yellow Megaman" to make the "Ultra Mega Megaman." You have to have all 3 or it doesn't work, see?
Stan: Up yours Cartman, I'll get you whatever the hell I want.
Cartman: Ohh!!! so maybe you don't want to have any of my moms Cake, Pie, and Ice cream then.
Stan: Oh "Gre..Green Megaman" it is.
Cartman: Now as you can see Kenny, you are to get me "Yellow Megaman," that's because the "Yellow Megaman" is the cheapest one and I know how poor your family is.
(Damien walks to table)
Stan: Hey!?!?! what do you think you're doing new kid?
Cartman: Yeah, you can't sit with us weirdo.
Damien: Infidel's!!!! I will turn you all into "Beasts of Burden"!
Kyle: You can't sit with us new kid, go find another table!
(Damien goes and sits with Pip)
Cartman: (sighs) Anyway Kenny, "Yellow Megaman" is only $8.95, so maybe your mom can put it on layaway and make payments in a year, or two.
(Stan, Kyle, and Cartman laugh. Kenny punches Cartman)
Cartman: AYYY!!!!
Cartman: You guys, shouldn't you be out shopping for my birthday present?
Kyle: Here Jesus, drink these raw eggs.
Jesus: No way dude!
Chef: I-I-I cant! I can't hit Jesus Christ! My mother will never speak to me again!
Stan: But you're his fighting partner Chef!
Kyle: Yeah! You have to hit him!
Jesus: Satan must be defeated Chef! Please help me train.
Chef: Ok, but I'm just gonna tap you alright?
Jesus: Give it your best shot! (Chef punches Jesus on the face) Oh!
Chef: Oh god in heaven! What have I done?
Jesus: Anybody got the number of that truck?
Stan: Hey Jesus!
Jesus: What are you doing out so late kids?
Kyle: We have to find Red Megaman and Green Megaman for Cartman's party.
Jesus: Oh. Kids, you believe I can beat Satan right?
Stan: Sure dude, you're the son of God.
Kyle: Yeah. You're not having any doubts are you?
Jesus: N-No no! But could you help me train a little?
Cartman: Do-do-do-do-do-do, here you go Kyle,Cartman hands Kyle an envelope. and here's yours Stan,Cartman hands Stan an envelope.
Kyle: What is this Cartman?
Cartman: There invitations to my birthday party this weekend!
Stan: Oh sweet! Your mom is giving you a big party again this year?
Cartman: That's right! Music plays because it's my birthday! B-b-b-b-birthday!Music ends
Kyle: Kick ass dude! Cartman's mom throws the best birthday parties EVER!
Cartman: That's right!
Stan: Yeah, if my mom can cook like Cartman's mom, I'd be a big fatass too!
Cartman: That's righ- HEY!!!
Stan: Holy Crap Dude, Satan's huge!
Jimbo: Now that's is the guy who has been eating a lot of beef.
Stan: We want to commit our friend, Kyle, please.
Nurse: Reason?
Kyle: I'm a clinically depressed fecalpheliac on Prozac.
Nurse: Any allergies?
Kyle: No.
Nurse: Jacket!
Stan: You guys, I'm getting that John Elway football helmet for Christmas.
Cartman: How do you know?
Stan: 'Cause I looked in my parents' closet last night.
Cartman: Yeah, well I sneaked around my mum's closet too and saw what I'm getting. The Ultravibe Pleasure 2000.
Stan: What's that?
Cartman: I don't know but it sounds pretty sweet.
Chef: Say, where's Kyle?
Stan: We committed him?
Chef: Why?
Cartman: Cause he kept seeing this brown piece of Christmas Poo everywhere that he went.
Chef: Christmas Poo? You mean Mr. Hankey, right?
Stan: Uh oh.
