South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralStan Marsh Quotes
Kyle: You know, I've learned something today. Family isn't about whose blood you have, it's who you care about. That's why I feel you guys are more then just my friends; You're my family.
Stan: Yeah.
Kyle: Except for Cartman.
Stan: Naturally.
Cartman: Well screw you guys! I don't wanna be in your penis choppin' family anyway!
(Gun fires at Kenny)
Stan: Oh my God, they've killed-!
Kenny: Mrph, mrph umph umly umh maphet (Oh, it was only my jacket.)
Stan: God dammit!
Cartman: HA! (whacks the Bookmobile driver)
Bookmobile driver: Ow, that hurt!
Stan: Whoa dude! Cartman!
Officer Barbrady: No, that is not how you uphold the law!
Cartman: But he is not listening to my authoritah!
Officer Barbrady: Oh, you're doing it all wrong my little friend. You do it like this. (whacks the bookmobile driver in the head) You gotta get them in the head; they go down quicker.
Bookmobile Driver: How did you know I would strike here?
Officer Barbrady: By reading Teetle the Timid Taxidermist.
Bookmobile Driver: You did?! Really?! Then it worked! My whole plan worked absolutely perfectly!
Stan: What are you talking about, dude?
Bookmobile Driver: When I heard that Officer Barbrady couldn't read, I knew I had to motivate him somehow. So I formulated a plan to encourage him to learn the magic of reading!
Kyle: So you f**ked a bunch of chickens?
Ms. Crabtree: COME ON!!! WE'RE RUNNING LATE!!!
Stan: We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch!
Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?
Stan: I said "We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch".
Ms Crabtree: Oh. Alright then... (drives away)
Kyle: Whoa dude.
Stan: I always wondered if that would work.
Stan: Oh my god! They videotaped killing Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Barbra Streisand: I'm Barbra Streisand!!
Stan: So.
Barbra Streisand: So!...well...So i'm a very famous and very important individual!
Stan: Like John Elway important?!
Barbra Streisand: What!
Stan: Do you know John Elway?
Barbra Streisand: No!
Stan: Oh, so you're really famous and important, but you don't know John Elway...
Cartman: I hate Barbra Streisand! I HATE her! Make her go away!
Stan: My mom always said there were no monsters, but there are. Aren't there, Chef?
Barbra Streisand: (in disguise while talking about the triangle) I want to give you boys a cash reward for finding it; it's worth a lot of money to me...
Stan: Really? Wow, no wonder that Barbra Streisand lady was after it...
Barbra Streisand: Oh, uh, heh heh... Who is that, I might ask?
Kyle: She's this famous old lady who wishes she was still only 45.
(The boys all laugh and Barbra Streisand glares at them.)
Stan: Yeah. You should have seen her nose; it was big enough to land stealth bombers on!
(The boys continue to laugh and Barbra Streisand becomes angered.)
Cartman: Yeah, and talk about a bitch! All my life, I have never-
Barbra Streisand: ENOUGH!!! (the boys stop laughing) I mean, ha ha ha...
Officer Barbrady: Shouldn't you kids be in school?
Stan: It's Saturday.
Officer Barbrady: No excuses! Now move along, you little trouble makers!
Stan: Robert Smith is the greatest person who ever lived!
Jesus: Our saviour!
Chef: Hello there, children! What's all this I hear about a new teacher?
Kyle: Ms. Ellen, dude; she's beautiful!
Chef: Is she like, uh, Vanessa Williams beautiful or Toni Braxton beautiful? Or Pamela Anderson beautiful? Or is she Erin Grey in the second season of "Buck Rogers" beautiful?
Stan: Yeah, that one!
Chef: (impressed) Wooof! I've got to meet this woman!
