Zapp Brannigan Quotes
Zapp: Let me ask you a serious question, Leela: Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well?
Zapp: Y'know, boys, a good captain needs many skills, such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform. And I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things.
Fry: Ah, Leela's not that bad. I just wish she didn't make us work so much.
Zapp: Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants.
Bender: Beer?
Fry: Underpants?
Zapp: This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship... Planet Express Ship. I come swinging the olive branch of peace.
Neutral President's Aide: Should we trust him, Your Neutralness?
Neutral President: All I know is my gut says maybe.
Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral.
Zapp: Now, in the name of all that is good and honourable, we'll call the Neutral President with a message of peace, then blast him.
Bender: Yes, sir, sirdy-sir-sir-sir!
Zapp: Fly the white flag of war.
Zapp: So, this Leela. I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she?
Fry: She's really strict.
Bender: And mean.
Zapp: I see. Does she by any chance give the crewmembers spankings?
Fry: No, she just makes us do work and stuff.
Zapp: Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy, let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed.
Bender: Hey, this guy's alright!
Zapp: So, do I have your loyalty, men?
Bender: To the ends of the universe.
Fry: Ten hundred percent!
Zapp: That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kif here.
Bender: Yes, sir, sir!
Kif: Um, may I have a beer, sir?
Zapp: No. You're loyal enough already.
Kif: What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir?
Zapp: Take them to the laundry-brig.
I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kif. With enemies you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.
Zapp: This is a mutiny! (Zapp handcuffs Leela) You're a capable doer of the nasty... but I'm taking over.
Leela: On what grounds, you oaf?
Zapp: Failure to prevent a mutiny.
Leela: If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon-cutting.
Zapp: Then you're under arrest.
Leela: What for?
Zapp: How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot?
Leela: But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them?
Zapp: The Yarn People of Nylar 4? So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors. How very Neutral of you.
Zapp: I'd like to cross-examine the witness.
Glab: I'm going to allow this.
Zapp: We've met before have we not?
Leela: Yes.
Zapp: And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you you are still under oath.
Leela: Yes.
Zapp: Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. (Leela points to Zapp) And his name is?
Leela: Zapp Brannigan.
Zapp: The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case.
