Dad, I don't know how to thank you. You've given me the greatest gift I could have ever asked for.

Quagmire

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Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sleep on the couch, on the couch.

Peter

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Peter: God?
God: Yes, but no Trump questions.
Peter. Okay, but I have nothing else to ask you.

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Every adult has to take an Ambien every night to even have a prayer at sleep.

Lois

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God: Actually, Peter, from what I've seen, I think your family would be better off without you.
Peter: What? What do you mean?
God: Well, you're an inattentive husband and a terrible parent.
Peter: Oh, says father of the year.
God: Oh, please. He played that for all it was worth. "Why has God forsaken me?" You know what? I did him a favor.
Peter: Okay, there's a lot to unpack there.

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Peter: You were right about everything.
God: Say that again.
Peter: You were right about everything.
God: That's all I needed to hear. That's what religion is. It's not about being good or bad. It's just blind subservience to an imaginary being.

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Peter: Some people say we're just a computer simulation run by a higher species. Is that true?
God: It is.

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