Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPopular Family Guy Quotes
Peter: Lois, why is my son playing with a vacuum like a girl? Here. Play with this discus and javelin. Then you can grow up like a man like track and field star Bruce Jenner -- the greatest man in the world. Maybe you'll even end up on a box of Wheaties.
Stewie: Didn't these used to have nuts in 'em?
Brian: There was a time, not to long ago, when people would talk with each other.
Peter: Yeah, the bad time. The sucky ages.
Brian: Our society is doomed. People and technology are a bad match. Just like moms and Radiohead.
Stewie, I'm in Chris' body. I'm dragging 250 pounds of lard up a ladder.
Brian
What the hell have you been complaining about?
Stewie
I'm off to get you a job, a girlfriend, and onto the road less scummy.
Stewie
Peter, that's the problem with kids today. They have no attention span.
Quagmire
First, I'd like to not thank you for hiring me, because I just expect good things to happen to me without working for them.
Hammer
Peter: What happened? All of a sudden I feel I know better than everyone else.
Hammer: That's because anytime anyone walks through a cloud of vape smoke, a millennial is born.
Remember, Peter, never walk anywhere when you can ride something weird instead.
Hammer
Peter: Doc. Give it to us straight. What's going on with our friend?
Dr. Hartman: Well, Mr. Griffin, there's no easy way to put this, so I'm just going to come right out and say it. He's black.
Peter: Not that friend. Quagmire.
Dr. Hartman: Oh. Him.
You don't know what that penis meant to me. We did everything together. Everything.
Quagmire
C'mon, Quagmire, it's not impossible. You want impossible? Try eating local pizza with a guy from New York.
Peter
