Stewie: We're in the robot chicken universe
Peter: Will you guys move, you're blocking the tv
Chris: Look! GI Joe, Transformers, Thunder Cats, He-Man. Yay! Those shows existed!
Stewie: how does it feel to be on a major network for 30 seconds
Chris: $!%@ you!

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If I ever go back to Quahog, it'll be just so that I can poke poor people with a stick!

Chris

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Coco: You simply must join us in a game of baccarat.
Peter: Right baccarat atcha!

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Aunt Margarite [on her video will]: Lois, you were always my favorite niece; I just knew you would find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. But I was wrong.
Peter: And now you're dead. Score one for Peter

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Meg: There is no way that I'm sleeping in Chris' room this weekend; it smells like old milk in there!
Chris: Hey, if I could find it, I'd clean it up!

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Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?
Peter: I do... You bastard

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Peter: You gotta help me Brian. Teach me how to be a gentleman.
Brian: Well, Peter, it's not really that hard. Let's start with polite conversation. For example, 'it's a pleasure to see you again. Lovely weather we're having.' Now you try.
Peter: 'It's a pleasure to see you again. After Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex.' How's that?
Brian: Wow. Perfect. My work is done. But just for the heck of it, let's try it again

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Your Aunt Margarite is probably laughing at me right now while she's burning in hell, may she rest in peace

Peter

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I'd like to announce I've given the a gift the whole world can appreciate, I've colorized the moon

Ted Turner

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Pope: Are you sure this is Boston?
Peter: Oh, yeah. [Points to a barn] Look, there's Harvard.
Pope: That's just a barn.
Peter: Ooh, I see someone went to Yale

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I didn't know there was a five a.m. mass. I didn't even know there was a five a.m. What else haven't you told me!?

Chris

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How the hell am I going to break this to Lois? If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's going to blame me!

Peter

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