You're not supposed to admire wheelchair people. You're supposed to feel sorry for them

Peter

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I just suggested a line of handicapable toys - ya know, to show the kids the fun of being physically challenged

Joe

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Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have you tried showing him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy

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Lois: Now you shouldn't be frightened Stewie. What you saw was actually a very beautiful thing.
Stewie: Evidentally, madame, you and I differ greatly in our conception of beauty. Because what I just witnessed was ghastlier than a thousand ghouls!
Lois: Stewie, mommies and daddies like to hug each other that way. In fact sweetie, that's sort of how you were created.
Stewie: Oh! That is a vile and odious lie! How dare you fill my head with such loathesome propaganda! Get out you horrid woman! Get out!

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Lois: Stewie, look what Mommy made for dessert.
Stewie: Ooh, Jell-O. How exotic! I feel like I'm on the deck of the QE2

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You have anything lower on that remote than mute?

Brian [watching Happy Days]

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Meg: Nice going, Mom. I finally get my driver's licence, and you lose the car to a poker machine? How ironic!
Peter: Hey, don't talk to your mother like that! She is not an i-ron

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Peter: Huh, I didn't know anyone in this family had any talent. Well, except for that thing your mother does.
Chris: You mean play the piano?
Peter: No no, she... yeah

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Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says, "Oooooo!"
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios

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Stewie: You there, child woman. I'll give you a shiny new dime if you roll me into the nearest lake.
Meg: Let me see if I can find you a juice box 'kay.
Stewie: Yes, get the lead out pudgy

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Alex Trebek: For $800, this chemical dye is found in over 95% of all cosmetic products.
Peter Griffin: Diarrhea! What? Oh, oh, oh sorry, sorry. What is Diarrhea?

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How the hell am I going to break this to Lois? If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's going to blame me!

Peter

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