Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPopular Family Guy Quotes
(to 18 year old Lois) Could I 'Wham' my 'Oingo Boingo' into your 'Velvet Underground'?
Brian
Cleveland: Hey Quagmire, how was your date last night?
Quagmire: Cleveland, it was amazing. You know what I discovered last night? Women have a fourth hole.
Joe: What?
Quagmire: Yeah, I mean it's only visible if you're looking from exactly the right angle, like the entrance to Hogwarts. But ya gotta believe that it's there.
Peter: Man, I envy you single guys. No families, partying whenever you want. These are the only people I get to party with. (holds out his wallet, with a picture of the kids)
Quagmire: (Pointing to Meg) Oh, that's where the fourth hole is, right there. Right there in the back of the knee.
Death Star Officer 1: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.
Stewie (Darth Vader): That is fantastic! Terrific work! So no weaknesses at all, huh?
Death Star Officer 1: N- (considers) no.
Stewie (Darth Vader): You, uh, you hesitated there. Is there something I should know?
Death Star Officer 1: No, it's virtually indestructable, like 99.99 percent.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Uh...OK, wouldn't be doin' my job if I didn't ask what's the .01?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, I- I mean, there's this little hole, it was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect, and if you shoot a laser into this hole, uh, the station blows up.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that sounds like a pretty big design flaw there.
Death Star Officer 1: No, no, no the hole's only two meters across.
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Well, that's no bigger than a womp rat.
Death Star Officer 1: Exactly. And even to get within range of it, you have to skim along this whole trench, it's not a big deal.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Well, I mean, I mean, can't we board it up or, you know, put some plywood over it or something?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, that would look terrible! I mean, we got to think about re-sale.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Re-sale? Wh-what are you talking about? This property is right above Sunset, the value's only gonna go up.
Death Star Officer 1: Lord Vader, your inside references to the Los Angeles real estate market haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn a profit on that condo in Glendale, nor has it-
(Vader begins choking him with the Force)
Stewie (Darth Vader): I find your lack of faith disturbing. That property is in a prime location, twenty minutes to the beach, twenty minutes to downtown!
Death Star Officer 1: (choking) There's nothing to do downtown!
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Enough of this! Vader, release him.
Stewie (Darth Vader): As you wish. (releases the officer, who collapses on the table, gasping for air) All right, so we gonna plug up that hole?
Death Star Officer 2: Yeah, we can get it done tomorrow if price is no object.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Eyuuuuh...
Death Star Officer 2: We'll get estimates.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Yeah, get estimates, yeah ha, yeah, yeah ha ha, yeah.
You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body!
Cleveland (R2-D2)
Stormtrooper: The Death Star is getting closer!
Quagmire (C-3PO): And Leia's getting l-a-a-arger! (jiggles Leia's stomach)
You still got that bag I gave you? It's gonna be a long ride.
</i> Cleveland (R2-D2)
Chris (Luke): Look at this! Who throws out half a pizza?
Peter (Han): And look at this couch. Sombody threw out a whole couch and it's in great shape.
Brian (Chewbacca): Yeah, put a little Febreeze on that, scrub it out a little bit, it'd look great in your appartment.
Peter (Han): You know what? I know we got a dangerous job to do here, but... I'm taking this. I'm taking this couch.
Red Leader: All wings, check in!
Red 3: Red 3, standing by!
Red 6: Red 6, standing by!
Red 5: Red 5, standing by!
Red Button: Red Button, standing by!
Red Foxx: Red Foxx, standing by!
Big Red: Big Red, standing by!
Red October: Red October, standing by!
Helen Reddy: Helen Reddy, standing by!
Simply Red: Simply Red, standing by!
Stormtrooper #1: Hey, did you hear something?
Stormtrooper #2: Probably just another drill. You know, that last drill we had, I was about to finally bone my girlfriend, and then we heard that there was this drill, and she told me there was no way.
Peter (Han): Strap yourselves in. We're going to hyperspace.
Herbert (Obi-Wan): Did he say "strap-in" or "strap-on"?
Pignose: He doesn't like you.
Chris (Luke): Sorry.
Pignose: I don't like you either.
Chris (Luke): You don't even know me!
Pignose: You know, that's fair. My name's Pignose and this is my brother-in-law, Scott. He visiting from Hoth.
Scott: I don't know why they call it Hoth. They should call it Coldth.
Pignose: Settle down now.
Scott: I'm up after the band.
How the hell am I going to break this to Lois? If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's going to blame me!
Peter
