Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPopular Family Guy Quotes
Chris (Luke): Hey Han!
Peter (Han): What!
Chris (Luke): Why do they call them TIE-Fighters?
Peter (Han): No idea!
(Inside TIE-Fighter cockpit)
TIE Fighter Pilot: (Shouts in Thai)
Chris (Luke): (after shooting a TIE fighter) I got him! I got him!
Peter (Han): Great kid, don't get penisy.
Chris (Luke): They're coming too fast!
Peter (Han): (Under his breath) Ah boy, nickel for every time that's happened. (yelling) Just keep shootin' Luke.
Quagmire (C-3PO): Hey, mind if I turn on the radio?
Announcer: WTAT Tatooine's all-talk radio.
Rush Limbaugh: My good friends, the liberal galactic media is at it again, they never stop. Now they're trying to convince us that Hoth is melting. Well that's crazy, just trying to scare us. Well if that wasn't enough to get you mad, we now have news that Lando Calrissian has been made the chief administrator of the Bespin mining facility. Gee, I wonder how he got that job. Well let me tell you how he got that job, affirmative action strikes again. The time is 8:50.
Chris (Luke): Well, I guess I'll go bulls-eye some womp rats in my T-16.
Quagmire (C-3PO): My god, you shoot small animals for fun? That's the first indicator of a serial killer, ya freak.
Chris (Luke): There's two suns and no women, what the hell am I supposed to do?
Lois (Leia): (to Luke) Aren't you a little fat to be a storm trooper?
Chris (Luke): Well, stay here and rot, you stuck-up bitch.
Lois (Leia): Wait! Who are you?
Chris (Luke): I'm Luke Skywalker. Me and Han Solo and Obi-Wan are here to rescue you.
Lois (Leia): Wait! Obi-Wan Kenobi?
Chris (Luke): Yeah. Suddenly I'm not so fat, huh?
Herbert (Obi-Wan): Mos Eisley spaceport, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Cleveland (R2-D2): My sister Regina-D2 lives here.
Quagmire (C-3PO): Is she single?
Cleveland (R2-D2): She's a lez-bot.
Chris (Luke): R2, what are you doing out here?
Cleveland (R2-D2): Beep boop beep.
Quagmire (C-3PO): He says there are several creatures approaching from the southeast.
Cleveland (R2-D2): That's not what I said. I said there ain't a pack of menthols on this planet.
Ya hear that? It sounds like we're being boarded from the rear, and not the "Hey take a deep breath, let's experiment" kind of boarded from the rear.
</i> Quagmire (C-3PO)
(Power goes out, the whole family gasps)
Lois: Oh my god, the power's out.
Chris: What are we gonna do now?
Brian: Well, we could light some candles and read.
(rest of the family pauses before breaking out in laughter)
Chris: Yeah right.
Stewie: Yeah that'd be great.
Peter: Yeah, read the inside of my butt.
Hey, thanks for the sex, early nineties printer.
Quagmire (C-3PO)
(Printer prints out a heart slowly)
How the hell am I going to break this to Lois? If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's going to blame me!
Peter
