Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Quotes
Cafeteria Kid: Your dog wrote an insensitive Tweet. You can't eat here.
Chris: Uh oh, Meg. It's a sensitivity mob.
Meg: It was just a joke.
Cafeteria Girl: There's no such things as jokes anymore.
Other Cafeteria Boy: Yeah, we live in a post-joke world.
Lois: What were you thinking writing that Tweet?
Brian: What? It was just a joke.
Lois: Brian, it's not 2005. You can't just go online and say whatever you want.
Angela: You're fired, Griffin, for destroying company property.
Peter: Tell it to my tongue.
Wouldn't it be great if Wes Anderson movies were that short?
Peter
Opera music makes violence classy.
Peter
Stop trying to be a clock. You ain't got the face for it.
Peter
Carter: Can I turn off everything but the blacklights?
DJ: Sure, I don't care about anything
Carter: Cool.
Chris: Wow. This place is gross.
Carter: Yeah. The NBA All-Star Game was in town last week.
Meg: Hey there, sailor.
Seamus: What are you doing here?
Meg: Well, sometimes I come here to think and fart.
Cleveland: I also have a fat, weird boy. Would you like a hug?
Peter: Yes. Birthdays are the hardest.
I took an oath. If mail touches me, I have to deliver it.
Cleveland
Mort: What a generous gift.
Carter: I know. Isn't money great?
Mort: Oh, it's the best.
Stop it right there, Lois. This is Family Guy. We only do the male side of the joke.
Peter
