Dwight Schrute Quotes
I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran. Killed twenty men then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father...battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.
Michael: Look, Dwight here is a wuss. When we rented "Armageddon", he cried at the end of it.
Dwight: Michael, I told you! It was because it was New Year's Eve and it started to snow at exactly midnight!
Michael: [As Dwight] "Oh, are they really gonna leave Bruce Willis on the asteroid? Boo-hoo!"
Kelly: [practicing karate] HI YAH! Hey that was pretty close!
Dwight: Good, now let me take you from behind.
Kelly: WHAT?!
[on his purple belt] This is not a toy, this is a message to the entire office so that everyone can see I can physically dominate them.
Dwight
Phyllis: Are you a monk?
Dwight: I'm a Sith lord!!
I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted. I'm sorry, only part of me meant that... he'd probably end up a hero there anyway.
Dwight
(singing) Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, Television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe! RYAN STARTED THE FIRE!
Everyone. Okay, I have an announcement. Apparently in business school they don't teach you how to operate a toaster oven. Because some smart, sexy temp left his cheese pita on "oven" instead of timing it for the toaster thing.
Dwight: Fire! This is not a drill!
Phyllis: You say that every week.
Dwight: Do you want to die?
Oscar: Relax.
Dwight: Question. Where can I put my terrarium?
Michael: What the hell is a terrarium?
Dwight: It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards.
Michael: Oh! So it's an aquarium. Um... that will not come into this place.
I have been Michael's number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like... Mozart's friend. No. I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like... Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in the head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm... sometimes teenagers use it for sex.
