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South-park

Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
Cartman: I'm milking the dog. They make dog milk.

That's what it's called when you milk a dog; Beating it off. God, don't you guys know anything?

Butters, will you stop filibustering?

Cartman: That's right! You stay out!
Stan: You can't keep us out forever, you f[bleep]ing fatass! We'll be back as soon as Kyle's hemorrhoid is better!

Agent: I'm Frank Garrett with the IRS. You haven't kept records of your income or payout, and there's a five hundred thousand dollar discrepancy. Seize the assets. (they grab money)
Cartman: H-Hey, that's my money!
Agent: There's also the lawsuit of the little boy who died in your park. The family's entitled to the rest of this. [takes the rest of the money]
Cartman: What? Kenny? He dies all the time!

(crying while on his Logride) I'm so happy!

Dude are you from Mars or something?

Executor: (reading will) For you, Eric, I leave from my life savings, the sum of one million dollars, to be transferred to you immediately.
Cartman: Whosa-jigga-wha?

Stan: Dude can you loan me 20 bucks for a new jacket?
Cartman: Ha! If you need money you can get a job Stan. No freeloaders are gonna take my hard earned cash.
Kyle: Your grandma left it to you, you didn't earn it!
Cartman: Didn't earn it? What about all those years I spent making grandma like me? All the wet spit filled kisses I put up with. The constant smell of asprin and pee. Don't tell me I didn't earn it you son of a bitch!

...And, since the stupid security guard needs video surveillance, I have to let in two more people a day to cover those expenses... Need to cover the new ticket guy's salary, so that's three more admissions a day... Cleanup crew for the bathroom, money to cover paint and upkeep, so that's about four admissions, that brings the grand total to... God-dammit! Eight hundred and sixteen people can come into the park today!

Little Boy: Daddy, Daddy can we ride the rockets?
Cartman: GOD DAMMIT, GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY WAY!

Priest Maxi: Eric, God could sure use that money for a bigger church.
Cartman: Huh, I think God has plenty of money.

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 498 in total

South Park Quotes

Mr. Garrison Sr.: Would you have sex with your son to save his life?
Man at bar 1: Oh, this is one of them scruples questions ain't it?
Man at bar 2: No, no I got a better one: Would you have sex with your motherto save your father's life?
Man at bar 1: You mean like if someone had a gun to your father's head and said if you don't have sex with her, I'll kill him?
Bartender: If a killer put a knife to my throat and said "have sex with your mother or I'm gonna kill your father while having sex with you, I would have sex with myself.

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron
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