Cartman: You are the worst character ever, Towelie.
Towelie: I know.

This is like finding trash-can gold you guys!

Kyle: I don't have to go to the lake!
Cartman: Awesome!
Kyle:She says that's fine, but I still have to go to baseball practice.
Stan: Oh yeah, we've got baseball practice tonight. Goddamn it!
Cartman: We shouldn't have this many responsibilities. We're children!
Stan: It's alright we can still play for 6 more hours, and then we can go play baseball.
Towelie: (walks in) Don't forget to bring a towel!
Kyle: Oh, no.
Towelie : When you're playing sports, the sweat can get in your face. That's why Towelie says "Always keep an extra towel in your duffel bag".
Stan: Okay, we will.
Towelie: All right! (pauses) You wanna get high?
Kyle: No, we don't want to get high.
Towelie: Oh. Okay... Are you sure?
Cartman: Yes! Go away, you stupid towel!
(Towelie walks away.)
Stan: Oh, dude did you see that? I just cut off your face and ate it!
Cartman: That's so cool!

Kyle: (to Stan about the Gamesphere) Wow, dude. You're the luckiest kid in South Park.
Cartman: Hey, this is all of ours! I'm the one who found Stan's aborted brother in the trash can and blackmailed his mom into getting the Gamesphere!

Kyle: (talking to his mom on the phone) Yea mom, I can't go to the lake. No, Stan's having emotional problems and I need to help Stan through it. He's got (asks Cartman) What is it?
Cartman: Date-rape psychosis.
Kyle: Date-rape something. YeaOkI willOk, thanks mom.

Stan: Come on, Towelie. The guy said you have the entry code in your memory bank!
Towelie: Hey, it's been a long time...
Cartman: You just have no long-term memory, because you get high all the time!
Towelie: Don't preach to me, fatso!
Cartman: I can preach to you all I want, because you're stupid!
Towelie: YOU'RE stupid!
Cartman: Yeah, well, you're a towel!
Towelie: YOU'RE a towel!

Butters, will you stop filibustering?

Cartman: Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have to resort to violence.
Butters: [wearing mask; deep voice] Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this. Just walk away and we will spare your lives. Just walk away.
Kyle: [to Stan] Man, he's pretty good.

Stan: I had no idea dogs made milk. Do it again.
Cartman: Dumbass, you can only milk a dog once every few hours. It doesn't work if you beat off the dog again right away.

Stan: Don't look at Butters' schlong, gaymo!
Cartman: (in panicking voice) I wasn't looking as his schlong, I was seeing how to put the condom on!
Kyle: Sure.

Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
Cartman: I'm milking the dog. They make dog milk.

That's what it's called when you milk a dog; Beating it off. God, don't you guys know anything?

South Park Quotes

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron

Romper Stomper: There's two kinds of kids, kids who like Animaniacs and kids who don't like Animaniacs, so which one are you?
Cartman: Well, personally, I ...don't like Animaniacs?
Romper Stomper: Neither do we!