South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Cartman: You are the worst character ever, Towelie.
Towelie: I know.

This is like finding trash-can gold you guys!

Kyle: I don't have to go to the lake!
Cartman: Awesome!
Kyle:She says that's fine, but I still have to go to baseball practice.
Stan: Oh yeah, we've got baseball practice tonight. Goddamn it!
Cartman: We shouldn't have this many responsibilities. We're children!
Stan: It's alright we can still play for 6 more hours, and then we can go play baseball.
Towelie: (walks in) Don't forget to bring a towel!
Kyle: Oh, no.
Towelie : When you're playing sports, the sweat can get in your face. That's why Towelie says "Always keep an extra towel in your duffel bag".
Stan: Okay, we will.
Towelie: All right! (pauses) You wanna get high?
Kyle: No, we don't want to get high.
Towelie: Oh. Okay... Are you sure?
Cartman: Yes! Go away, you stupid towel!
(Towelie walks away.)
Stan: Oh, dude did you see that? I just cut off your face and ate it!
Cartman: That's so cool!

Kyle: (to Stan about the Gamesphere) Wow, dude. You're the luckiest kid in South Park.
Cartman: Hey, this is all of ours! I'm the one who found Stan's aborted brother in the trash can and blackmailed his mom into getting the Gamesphere!

Kyle: (talking to his mom on the phone) Yea mom, I can't go to the lake. No, Stan's having emotional problems and I need to help Stan through it. He's got (asks Cartman) What is it?
Cartman: Date-rape psychosis.
Kyle: Date-rape something. YeaOkI willOk, thanks mom.

Stan: Come on, Towelie. The guy said you have the entry code in your memory bank!
Towelie: Hey, it's been a long time...
Cartman: You just have no long-term memory, because you get high all the time!
Towelie: Don't preach to me, fatso!
Cartman: I can preach to you all I want, because you're stupid!
Towelie: YOU'RE stupid!
Cartman: Yeah, well, you're a towel!
Towelie: YOU'RE a towel!

Butters, will you stop filibustering?

Cartman: Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have to resort to violence.
Butters: [wearing mask; deep voice] Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this. Just walk away and we will spare your lives. Just walk away.
Kyle: [to Stan] Man, he's pretty good.

Stan: I had no idea dogs made milk. Do it again.
Cartman: Dumbass, you can only milk a dog once every few hours. It doesn't work if you beat off the dog again right away.

Stan: Don't look at Butters' schlong, gaymo!
Cartman: (in panicking voice) I wasn't looking as his schlong, I was seeing how to put the condom on!
Kyle: Sure.

Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
Cartman: I'm milking the dog. They make dog milk.

That's what it's called when you milk a dog; Beating it off. God, don't you guys know anything?

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 507 in total

South Park Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron