South Park

Eric Cartman Quotes (Page 11)

(Kyle tries to convince the Afghani people that they are not American)
Kyle: Greetings from Canada. Well boys, it's aboot time we get to our hoose in Canada, isn't it?
Cartman: Ey, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not a God damn Canadian, and neither are you!
Stan: Cartman, you stupid asshole!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Eh What's up, Bin Laden?
 • Rating: Unrated

Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, now I've sure you already know, but the president has asked that all American children send one dollar to the children of Afghanistan. Now I've got a list of addresses and we're all going to chip in...
Cartman: Ha! I'm not giving a dollar to those towel-heads!
Ms. Choksondik: Eric, the Afghan people need our help!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry, but I thought we're at war with these assholes!
Wendy: We're at war with terrorists, fat-ass, not with Afghanistan! And the reason you'd care is so you don't give them a dollar!
Cartman: (stands up) That dollar buys me a chocolate milk for lunch! What, you want me to get a regular milk for 50 cents?? Now look... It's not our fault that terrorists hate us; we're just kids. We're not the one's dropping bombs on them; we're just caught in the middle. It's not our fault.
Wendy: The Afghan people are caught in the middle, too.
Cartman: Yes, but they're sand-monkeys!
Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, settle down! We're all sending dollars to the children of Afghanistan, that's it, end of discussion!
Cartman: (sits down) GODDAMMIT, I HATE REGULAR MILK!!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: Stan, I don't think we're supposed to be in the military base; they might shoot us.
Stan: I don't care; we're going!
Towelie: (appearing in front of the boys) Don't forget to bring a towel!
(Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny groan.)
Cartman: Oh, no. Not Towelie...
Towelie: When going some place new, you should always bring a towel!
Stan: Okay. Thanks, Towelie.
Towelie: You wanna get high?
Cartman: No, we don't wanna get high!
Towelie: So... You mean you don't like having Towelie around?
Cartman: That's right!
Towelie: So am I to understand there's been a..."Towelie ban"?
(Towelie laughs and the boys groan loudly.)
Stan: Goddamnit, get the hell out of here, Towelie!
Towelie: (leaving) Alright, see ya!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't say here or else it will choke on the sweet air of freedom.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pilot: (After noticing the boys came out from the hatch) What the hell?
Kyle: Cartman farted in there. We have to breath it in for 20 hours!
Cartman: It didn't smell that bad. You guys are overreacting.
Pilot: I don't smell any...(the pilot inhales, then pukes twice and faints)
Cartman: Oh, whatever!
Kyle: You son of a bith, Cartman. You don't farted when you're locked in a small space with other people!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry! Next time I ask my fart nicely if it wouldn't mind staying tucked away for a while!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: (to Mrs. Marsh) You shouldn't have done that. He's just a boy!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stan: Ok guys focus; it looks like this is going to be an underwater level.
Towelie: (high; slurred) Don't forget to bring a towel.
(the boys laugh)
Cartman: You're the worst character ever, Towelie.
Towelie: I know.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Come on, Towelie. The guy said you have the entry code in your memory bank!
Towelie: Hey, it's been a long time...
Cartman: You just have no long-term memory, because you get high all the time!
Towelie: Don't preach to me, fatso!
Cartman: I can preach to you all I want, because you're stupid!
Towelie: YOU'RE stupid!
Cartman: Yeah, well, you're a towel!
Towelie: YOU'RE a towel!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: You are the worst character ever, Towelie.
Towelie: I know.
 • Rating: Unrated

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