Eric Cartman Quotes
Mr. Mackey: Well, what did you used to think was funny?
Cartman: You know, all the usual stuff. Dirty jokes, funny movies, seeing someone die. This morning, I even saw a little girl get her fingers caught in a car door and I couldn't laugh. I mean I, I knew it was funny, but I couldn't laugh.
- Permalink: Well, what did you used to think was funny? You know, all th...
(Cartman is in the movies after losing his sense of humor)
Guy 1: Dude, why are you wearing Shilaynas' panties?
Guy 2: I had to wear Shilaynas' panties, Lisa's were in the wash.
Guy 1: Look can we just get this over with?
Guy 2: But dude I can't french kiss him, he's my Grandpa.
Guy 1: Come on dude.
Guy 2: Oh alright here it goes, come here Grandpa
(Crowd laughs and cheers except for Cartman)
Cartman: Aw, dude! Bah.
Audience member: Dude, what's wrong with you?
Cartman: Nothing's wrong with me!
Guy 2: Well I'm glad that's over with. We better go back to the house now to see how Chris is doing.
- Permalink: Dude, why are you wearing Shilaynas' panties? I had to wear ...
Cartman:Whatever. All I know is that I can laugh again, I'm gonna go home and eat another chocolate gun, come on Kenny!
(A motorbike runs over Kenny)
- Permalink: Whatever. All I know is that I can laugh again, I'm gonna go hom...
Yeah well I guess now we'll have to call him Ben Ass-fleck.
- Permalink: Yeah well I guess now we'll have to call him Ben Ass-fleck.
(kisses Osama bin Laden) Ooo, tastes like chicken; the ASS of a chicken!
- Permalink: Ooo, tastes like chicken; the ASS of a chicken!
(about Afghanistan) God, what a craphole, dude! This is like East Denver! Jesus Christ!
- Permalink: God, what a craphole, dude! This is like East Denver! Jesus Chri...
(about Afghanistan) What is this? The freakin' Flintstones?
- Permalink: What is this? The freakin' Flintstones?
Cartman: I told you Jawas have no hearts.
Cartman: You know, Sand People.
- Permalink: I told you Jawas have no hearts. Jawas? You know, Sand Peopl...
Cartman: Hey, look! An infidel!
(Osama Bin Laden looks the other way as Cartman pantses him. Then, there are many magnifying glasses from off screen placed in front of his crotch and sign pops up from off screen reading "Tiny, ain't it?!".)
Cartman: (after Osama pulls his pants up) So THAT'S what this is all about...
- Permalink: Hey, look! An infidel! So THAT'S what this is all about...
It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't say here or else it will choke on the sweet air of freedom.
- Permalink: It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't say here or else it will c...
Kyle: Stan, I don't think we're supposed to be in the military base; they might shoot us.
Stan: I don't care; we're going!
Towelie: (appearing in front of the boys) Don't forget to bring a towel!
(Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny groan.)
Cartman: Oh, no. Not Towelie...
Towelie: When going some place new, you should always bring a towel!
Stan: Okay. Thanks, Towelie.
Towelie: You wanna get high?
Cartman: No, we don't wanna get high!
Towelie: So... You mean you don't like having Towelie around?
Cartman: That's right!
Towelie: So am I to understand there's been a..."Towelie ban"?
(Towelie laughs and the boys groan loudly.)
Stan: Goddamnit, get the hell out of here, Towelie!
Towelie: (leaving) Alright, see ya!
- Permalink: Stan, I don't think we're supposed to be in the military base; t...
Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, now I've sure you already know, but the president has asked that all American children send one dollar to the children of Afghanistan. Now I've got a list of addresses and we're all going to chip in...
Cartman: Ha! I'm not giving a dollar to those towel-heads!
Ms. Choksondik: Eric, the Afghan people need our help!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry, but I thought we're at war with these assholes!
Wendy: We're at war with terrorists, fat-ass, not with Afghanistan! And the reason you'd care is so you don't give them a dollar!
Cartman: (stands up) That dollar buys me a chocolate milk for lunch! What, you want me to get a regular milk for 50 cents?? Now look... It's not our fault that terrorists hate us; we're just kids. We're not the one's dropping bombs on them; we're just caught in the middle. It's not our fault.
Wendy: The Afghan people are caught in the middle, too.
Cartman: Yes, but they're sand-monkeys!
Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, settle down! We're all sending dollars to the children of Afghanistan, that's it, end of discussion!
Cartman: (sits down) GODDAMMIT, I HATE REGULAR MILK!!!
- Permalink: Alright, children, now I've sure you already know, but the presi...