Eric Cartman Quotes

Elton John: Wake up Wendy, smell the coffee
Kyle: (To Stan) Dude, that's your song for Wendy!
Cartman: Ha-ha! You're a wuss! (Stan hits him)

(Singing) Stinky bitches. You've got stinky britches!

Stan: Chef wouldn't give up on us. How many times has Chef gotten us out of trouble?
Cartman: Four.

Stan: Dude, Chef is gone.
Kyle: No more Chef.
Cartman: No more salisbury steak and pecan pie. (sobs)

I will do the German dance for you, it's fun and gay and tra-la-la. I hope you will enjoy my dance, fiddle-ey-aye, fiddle-ey-aye. Would you like some sauerkraut, German boy, German boy? Yes, I'd like some sauerkraut, boy I'm hungry!

Cartman: What the hell makes you think Cartman rides a bull?
Kyle: Because you spent all our money on those stupid rides, fat ass! Either you're getting on a bull, or I'm gonna break your f(beep)king head open!
Cartman: Okay, I'll get on the bull.

Sucky sucky, five dollah. Ooh me so horny. Me love you long time.

Stan: (imitating Philip) Hey, Terrance! Let's go look for treasure!
Kyle: (imitating Terrance) That's a good idea, Philip!
(Cartman arrives at the bus stop.)
Stan: Oh hey, Cartman. How are you feeling?
Cartman: Hey, guys. I just had the weirdest dream last night.
Kyle: Really? What about?
Cartman: Well, I dreamt that I was a poor Vietnamese girl, and then you guys made me ride a big scary bull, and then Leonardo Di Caprio gave me a spankin' for several hours. (sees T&P dolls) Hey, where did you guys win all those Terrance and Phillip dolls?
Stan: Oh, nowhere
(Stan and Kyle laugh.)
Cartman: Wait a minute! You guys DID make me ride that bull!
Kyle: No, Cartman! That was just a dream!
Stan: Yeah!
(A limousine drives up to the bus stop.)
Leonardo Di Caprio: Bye, Ming Li! Thanks again!
(The limousine drives away; Stan and Kyle continue to laugh.)
Cartman: Ah! Son of a bitch!

Kyle: How much money do we have left Cartman?
Cartman: Ahh three dollars.
Kyle: What? You said we had plenty of money, Cartman!
Cartman: Yeah but I didn't take into account the fact that I suck at math.
Kyle: YOU SON OF A BITCH! (attacks Cartman)

Stan: (about the T&P Dolls) Oh, dude. We've GOT to get one of those!
Cartman: How much to play?
Carnie: Only five dollars for three balls, kid.
Cartman: Five dollars?! Jesus Christ!
Carnie: Don't worry, kid, it's easy; you just gotta put one ball through Jennifer Love Hewitt's mouth.
Cartman: That's easy!

Stan: If you wanna play Americans versus Bosnians, then you can just play with yourself.
Cartman: Fine, I'll play with myself! I'll play with myself all day along!

That's fine! I like playing with myself! I'll play with myself all day!

South Park Quotes

(Pulls out an automatic) Hello girls! I'm the easter bunny!

Janet Reno

Chinpokomon Executive: You are American.
South Park Toy Store Owner: Yes.
Chinpokomon Executive: Ohhh, you must have very big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Excuse me, I was just asking you what your up to with these toys.
Chinpokomon Executive: Nothing, we are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik's penis is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Chinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.

South Park

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