South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralEric Cartman Quotes
(As Steve Irwin) Look! A king croc! (Walks up to a cow) Now, what I'm going to do, is jam my finger up it's... (The cow sits on him, then gets up, with Cartman stuck in his butt) Hey, get me outta here! Huh, kinda smells like Kenny's house in here!
(as Steve Irwin) Now I'm gonna kick my friend Kyle in the bean bag and see what happens, by crikey.
(after Kyle fell into the cave)
Kyle: Is Cartman up there?
Cartman: I'm right here, Kyle.
Kyle: Cartman, you f(beep)king hunk of fat, rat-f(beep)king hunk of pig-f(beep)king ass fat.
Cartman: Oh yeah?! Oh yeah?! Say that to my face, pussy!
Cartman: Hey, you guys, this is just like that one movie and John Travolta and that French chick all summer long and they went back to school and sang songs about grease lightning, you know, that movie which the mean chick is all prissy, but that tiny chick has an abortion...
Stan and Kyle: Cartman, will you shut the hell up and get some more rope?
Cartman: Ah, screw you guys anyway.
I'm gonna jam my thumb up this cow's butt.
</i> Cartman
Stan: Good job Cartman, You killed Kyle.
Kenny: (muffled) You bastard!
Cartman: He shouldn't have called me fat.
Stan: Why the hell not, that's like calling the sky blue.
(Continued)
Gnome: Not much longer now....
Cartman: Oh? You're taking us to your little pussy house?
Gnome: No pussy! I'm taking you to my village!
Cartman: Oh? Your pussy village?
Stan: Cartman will you just shut up and let him show us?
Stan: Okay we have to do this stupid report so... (Tweek freaks out) So let's figure out what to do it about.
(long pause)
Cartman: How about we do it on that Raymond guy on TV, you know everyone loves Raymond.
Kyle: No, Cartman, we can't do it on Raymond again. It has to be on a current event in South Park.
Kyle: Does anybody know anything about corporations?
Cartman: I think my mom is a corporation.
Stan: (sarcastically) Yeah, that makes sense.
Stan: Damn, dude this place is huge.
Kyle: Yeah, it's almost as big as Cartman's ass.
Cartman: (annoyed) No it isn't you guys.
Cartman: Don't worry, Tweek. Your family can go on welfare. Kenny's family's on welfare and they're happy, isn't that right, Kenny?
Kenny: (muffled) F**K you!
Kyle: Shh don't scare em'
Stan: Hey there little guy?
Cartman: BAD!!! (Hit's gnome with a stick)
Kyle: Cartman?!?!?
Cartman: What?
Kyle: Why do you always have to hit stuff with a stick?!
Cartman: Well look at? He's all, ya know. Look at him (Hit's gnome with a stick again)
Gnome: Is that all you got pussy?
Cartman: What?!?!?
Stan: Hey, he talked
Cartman: Yeah he called me a pussy, I'm not a pussy, you're a pussy!
Gnome: You're a pussy. Pussy!
Cartman: Ay?!?!?
Stan: Then why are you taking Tweek's underpants?
Kyle: Yeah, look what you're doing to this poor kid.
Tweek: Ahh!!!
Gnome: Stealing underpants is big business.
Stan: Business? Wait? Do you know anything about business?
Gnome: Sure, that's what gnomes do.
Kyle: Show us!
Gnome: OK, follow me.
Cartman: Pussy gnome! Don't call me a pussy pussy gnome.
