Eric Cartman Quotes

Mr Garrison: Settle down children, I have some difficult news. This is going to make you all very sad. The school board is considering firing me as your teacher. There's a possibility I'll be let go and never allowed to teach you again. (Stan raises his hand) Yes Stanley?
Stan: That's okay with us.
Kyle: Yeah!
Craig: Yeah, we dont care.
Cartman: That's fine.
Mr Garrison: (shouting) No it isn't! It makes you very sad!

Grandma: I thought that shirt would look really good on you.
Cartman: Are you telling me I drove nine hours through butt-f**king nowhere to get a GODDAMN SHIRT?! Mom, Grandma's gone senile, time to stick her in a home.

Grandma Cartman: Mom, could you say grace?
Great-Grandma Cartman: Goddammit, why do I always have to be the one who says grace?! If one more person asks me to say grace, I'll be like: "Ey! I'm not saying grace, and if you try to make me, I'll kick you square in the nuts!"

Charles Manson: Come on, I'll hotwire your grandpa's car.
Stan: Do you really think we should go with this guy?
Cartman: Stan, don't be such a dumbass, you have to trust people.

Cartman: Man you guys are hella-stupid. If I had money I wouldn't give it to you assholes.
Kyle: Well at least he's back to normal.
Stan: Yea but we can't get a pumpkin so we can't enter the carving contest.
Kyle: It's OK. Kenny said he could get one.
Cartman: Oh how's Kenny gonna get one. He's hella-poor.
Stan: Why do you keep saying hella fat ass?
Cartman: 'Cause I'm hella-cool that's why.
Kyle: That's not cool!
Cartman: You guys are just hella-jealous.

Evil Kyle: We're here to take you back goody two-shoes.
Cartman: I've gotta better idea. Why don't you two going go *bleep* yourselves?

(singing)
You guys are my best friends!
Through thick and thin,
We've always been together!
We're four of a kind,
Havin' fun all day,
Pallin' around and laughin' away!
Just best friends!
Best friends are we!
I love you guys.

Evil Cartman

In my world, Chef, you're skinny, white and and insurance salesman.
(Chef is in shock)

Evil Cartman

Cartman: You guys are hella stupid.
Stan: Why do you keep saying 'hella", Cartman?
Cartman: 'Cuz I'm hella cool, that's why.

Hi there folks. This is a heck of a storm out here. Thought maybe you could use some provisions. There's some candles and food in there. Ain't much but it should get you through the night. Take care folks; I've got other houses to get to.

Evil Cartman

Cartman: Now zap his hella-ass back to you're hella-universe!
Kyle: Stop saying hella!
Evil Stan: Thought you could get away from us, huh, Cartman?
Evil Cartman: Please!
Kyle: Leave him alone, butthole!
Evil Kyle: Shut your trap, kid!
Stan: Why don't you guys take our Cartman back? He's more like you guys anyway.
Cartman: Hey, you back-stabbing sellout!

No you guys, murder is never the answer.

Evil Cartman

South Park Quotes

(Pulls out an automatic) Hello girls! I'm the easter bunny!

Janet Reno

Chinpokomon Executive: You are American.
South Park Toy Store Owner: Yes.
Chinpokomon Executive: Ohhh, you must have very big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Excuse me, I was just asking you what your up to with these toys.
Chinpokomon Executive: Nothing, we are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik's penis is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Chinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.

South Park

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