The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Homer: My first day of college.. I wish my father was alive to see this!
Grampa: Hey!
Homer: How long have you been back there?
Grampa: Three days...

Bart: Grampa, Matlock's not real.
Grampa: Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob, if someone cuts it off and smushes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!

I'm cold and there are wolves after me.

Grampa: Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O! And on this farm he had a chick, the swingingest' chick I know! With a wiggle wiggle here and a wiggle wiggle there.
Homer: Get of the stage!
Grampa: I want to, but I can't!

Grampa: That's my son up there!
Old Jewish Man: What, the balding fat-ass?
Grampa: Uh, no, the Hindu guy...

Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?
Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.

Secretary: Is this the Abraham Simpson who wrote the Itchy and Scratchy episode?
Grampa: Ishy and what? No, you must be some kind of crazy person.
Secretary: I'm sorry, but we have a substantial check here for a Mr. Abraham Simpson.
Grampa: That's right. I did the Iggy.

Bart: Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for doing nothing?
Grampa: I figured it was because the Demmie-crats were back in power.

(Typing a letter) Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.

Lisa: Grampa, how did you take off your underwear without taking off your pants?
Grampa: I don't know!

Roger Meyers, Jr.: Hey, how would you kids like a tour of the studio? Abe, are you coming?
Grampa: Any stairs?
Roger Meyers, Jr.: Just one.
Grampa: Nuts to you.

Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions.

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 113 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

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