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The-simpsons

Homer: You're cute as a bug's ear.
Lisa: Fathers have to say that stuff!
Homer: Dad, am I cute as a bug's ear?
Grampa: No, you're homely as a mule's butt!
Homer: There, see?

I'll take that secret to my grave, or urn, or medical school dissecting table or wherever you're dumping me.

Our ancestors were kicked out of Australia.

Oh, you mean Adam and Eve Simpson. Or as you may know them, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.

Marge: Well, we lost the money, but at least we still have each other.
Grampa: Hey, the dog's dead.

Marge: Well I was thinking... do you think you could babysit the kids this weekend, I wouldn't ask, but we're desperate.
Grampa: Oh suuuure! Last resort. Old Grandpa the feeb. The guy who can't be counted on for nothing knowhow dag-nammit. Everyone's against me! (Pause) I'll do it!

(Bart and Lisa's breakfast with Grampa)
Grampa: (Pours Lisa a cup of coffee) Sugar?
Lisa: (Nervous) Yes, ten please.
Bart: (Rattlin') Hey Grampa, top me off!
Grampa: Are you sure your Ma let you kids drink coffee?
Bart: FOR THE LAST TIME, YES!!!!

Grampa: Oh, Lisa, what makes you think you deserve all that money?
Lisa: I don't deserve it, Grampa. No one here does. The people who deserve it are on the streets, and they're in the slums. They're little children who need more library books and families who can't make ends meet. Of course, if you really wanted to, you could buy me a pony.
Grampa: You're right!
Lisa: I'll name her Princess, and I'll ride her every day!

Bea: So, um, (Clears throat) tell me about yourself.
Grampa: Uh, widower, one son, one working kidney. And you?
Bea: Widowed, bad hip and liver disorder.

Grampa: Out of my way, I got a date with an angel.
Jasper: You don't know how right you are, Abe.
Grampa: What?
Jasper: I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Bea passed away last night.
Grampa: Oh no.
Jasper: It was her ticker. The doctor said her left ventricle burst.
Grampa: No, Jasper. They may say she died from a burst ventricle, but I know she died of a broken heart.

(At the casino)
Grampa: Put it all on 41. (To Homer) I've got a feeling about that number.
Roulette Operator: The wheel only goes to 36, sir.
Grampa: Okay, put it all on 36! (To Homer) I've got a feeling about that number.

Grampa: Eh, what are you, uh, doing tonight?
Bea: Sitting alone in my room.
Grampa: (Disappointed) Oh, well, if you've got plans already--

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 112 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

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