Now I'm going to visit the only court I can never be in contempt to of - food court.

Homer: What happened to you guys? You used to be cool.
Robot: We are the same temperature we have always been.

I'm all alone, and when there's some problem due to human error, guess who's to blame?

Homer: Finally, a supermarket with a clear premise - island something. Bart: It's like going to Hawaii without all the murderous locals.

Homer (on Maggie): Let her slice off the tip of your ear and she'll go right to sleep.
Carl: No
Homer: That's not a choice you get to make.

Oh, I always thought tarred and feathered was just a figure of speech. Good luck patching pot holes and stuffing pillows now!

Lisa: I pick up books like you pick up beers.
Homer: Then you have a serious reading problem.

Homer: Sorry, Dad. I was afraid the dragon wouldn't cough the moon back up.
Grampa: You idiot! Dragon always coughs the moon back up.

We shows girls love on Valentine's Day, and they let us blow things up on the Fourth of July. I just pray they never fall on the same day.

Marguerite, I leave to fight in Flanders. Stupid Flanders.

Grampa: And I created an alcoholic hippo.
Homer: You never showed it to me!
Grampa: A stupid alcoholic hippo!

Mapple Salesperson: The lightest, most desirable computer in the world, for the next three weeks - the Mapple Void.
Homer: I'll take it, provided you charge me for services that Google offers for free.

The Simpsons Quotes

The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!