Favorite Judith Harper Quotes
Alan: Jake can hear you two in bed.
Judith: Oh, God! Oh, God!
Herb: He didn't hear that
Dad's having a colonoscopy and if I'm not there I'm going to have to watch the video
Alan [about Jake]: What's the matter with him?
Judith: His little girlfriend broke up with him.
Alan: Oh, no.
Judith: Yeah, I was hoping you could talk to him, because, let's face it, who knows more about getting dumped?
Alan: You don't have to flatter me, Judith. I'll talk to him.
Judith: Hey, honey, how was your weekend?
Jake: Great. Uncle Charlie's a genius.
Judith [to Alan]: I thought you talked to him.
Alan: I did!
Judith: Then why is Uncle Charlie the genius?
Alan: Because he never got married.
Alan: Look, I appreciate your feelings for me, but I have to tell you, I really think your daughter deserves a lot of respect. I mean, it takes real courage to make changes in your life and not worry what everybody thinks.
Judith: Thank you, Alan.
Evelyn: That's true. The lesbians of my generation where to scared to come out of the closet.
Lenore: Does that mean what I think it means?
Alan: You haven't told them?
Judith: No. I thought it would be more appropriate coming from your mother.
Evelyn: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I faux pas?
Alan: He's just a normal eleven-year-old kid who happens to be grumpy.
Judith: And I'm a normal thirty-five-year-old mother who happens to be running out of patience, and by "patience" I mean "Prozac"
Judith [to the class]: OK, everybody, what we're gonna do is put the girls on one side and the boys on the other.
Alan: Sure, start splitting them up early. That's your answer for everything, isn't it?
Judith: Excuse me?
Alan: Uh, would Mrs. Plaintiff please see Mr. Respondent in the hallway?
