Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men

Alan: He's just a normal eleven-year-old kid who happens to be grumpy.
Judith: And I'm a normal thirty-five-year-old mother who happens to be running out of patience, and by "patience" I mean "Prozac"


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Related Quotes:
Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 20 Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Judith Harper Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 20 Quotes

I'm telling you, you're spoiling the kid. I didn't have a shrink when I was Jake's age and my childhood was twice as screwed up as his. I mean, you're a little cuckoo, Judith, but compared to our mother, you're like a fart in a hurricane

Charlie

Berta [trying to convince Alan Jake is constipated]: I'm telling you, my youngest once ate a whole can of Play-Doh—stopped her up for two weeks!
Alan: All right, Berta.
Berta: She finally pooped out a whole ashtray.
Alan: Berta!
Berta: That was the day I quit smoking

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