Cougar Town
Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBSPopular Jules Cobb Quotes
Grayson: So you're having the whole gang over turkey day, huh?
Jules: Well
Grayson: I don't really have any plans since my wife left and all our friends were pretty much her friends. And both my parents are dead....
Ellie: Did they die in the last six months?
Jules: No.
Ellie: Then who cares? Hand me my drink.
Ellie: Do you remember that great Thanksgiving blowup where your uncle mike got drunk and told your cousin she was invited.
Jules: She was fourteen and Korean, on some level she knew.
Jules: In one of our friendship talks, Travis told me she's not even on the pill. Condoms break all the time.
Laurie: Especially if there's piercings involved.
Ellie: Stop, I'm begging you.
Okay, quick disclaimer. When we attack the food, let's chew carefully because I'm missing an earring.
Ellie: Racist Uncle or Drug Dealer Uncle?
Jules: Racist Uncle. Drug Dealer Uncle is now Prison Uncle.
Ellie: Oh right, because of Detective Cousin.
Jules [after spin class]: Hey Travis, take me upstairs and put me in the bath.
Travis: That's a sentence I was hoping not to hear until you were seventy.
I don't like being alone in my house. I don't know what I'm gonna do when Travis goes to college. He's not really big on the idea of us getting apartment together, even though I said I'd only live there on the weekends.
Ryan is super pretty and he's not at all afraid of cologne.
Laurie: Am I in a different conversation?
Jules: Almost always.
Jules: It it so much harder to be a single woman.
Laurie: So much harder, do you read Kathy?
Laurie: If Matt Damon weren't married and if he weren't a movie star and if he lived this town, we would totally date.
Jules: That's a lot of if's.
Ellie: Yeah, not enough.
Jules: When a 40-something guy gets divorced, it's always: "Way to go, Tiger!"
Grayson: We don't call each other Tiger. It's always Champ, or Samurai.
