Meg: Mom, she's so sad and lonely.
Lois: Look who the bleep is talking!

• Permalink: Mom, she's so sad and lonely. Look who the bleep is talking!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Keep it up Lois and I might fire you.
Lois: You wouldn't.
Peter: Does the name, Lacey Chabert mean anything to you?
Lois: Okay, I'll behave.
Peter: Yes, you will.

• Permalink: Keep it up Lois and I might fire you. You wouldn't. Does the...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: Peter, do you even know which one of our children I'm talking about?
Peter: Gordon?

• Permalink: Peter, do you even know which one of our children I'm talking ab...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris, you can't join the army, you're too young. Besides, the Army's weak. Now the Marines, those are the men you wanna (Bleep).

• Permalink: Chris, you can't join the army, you're too young. Besides, the A...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Uhh... we're playing House.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's House

• Permalink: What's going on down here? Uhh... we're playing House. That ...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

It's like I always tell the kids, a quitter never wins and don't trust whitie

• Permalink: It's like I always tell the kids, a quitter never wins and don't...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Besides, Quagmire don't even have a job.
Lois: Well you're going to have to help him find one because I'd have enough of him living in this house.
Peter: Eh, you're overreacting Lois and you can't spell overreacting without ovary... 'cause you're a girl.

• Permalink: Besides, Quagmire don't even have a job. Well you're going to ...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Man: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice melons.
Peter: Now listen pal!
Lois: Peter, I'm holding melons.
Peter: Oh.
Man: And her hooters aint bad either.
Peter: Now hold on a second.
Lois: Peter! I'm holding hooters!
Peter: Oh, sorry.
Man: No problem.... Your wife's hot
Peter: Alright that's it

• Permalink: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice melons. Now list...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois [on the phone with her father]: Daddy? It's me, Lois.
Carter: Oh hello, pumpkin. Did I miss your piano recital?
Lois: No Daddy, I'm in my forties.
Carter: Oh God!

• Permalink: Daddy? It's me, Lois. Oh hello, pumpkin. Did I miss your piano...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: I guarantee you a man made that commercial.
Peter: Of course a man made it. It's a commercial Lois, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner

• Permalink: I guarantee you a man made that commercial. Of course a man ma...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: Honey, what do you say we christen these new sheets, huh?
Peter: Why Lois Griffin, You naughty girl.
Lois: Hahaha, That's me.
Peter: You dirty hustler...you filthy stinky prostitute.
Lois: Okay I get it.
Peter: You foul venereal disease carrying street walking whore.
Lois: That's enough

• Permalink: Honey, what do you say we christen these new sheets, huh? Why ...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Machiavelli! You've told me nothing I don't already know! Ah Sun Tzu's The Art of War.
Lois: Stewie, those books aren't for babies. Here, watch the Teletubbies.
Stewie: How dare you! That book may hold the key to my enslaving of all mankind

• Permalink: Machiavelli! You've told me nothing I don't already know! Ah Sun...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0