The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Marge Simpson Quotes
Homer: Alright Bart, that's it! Go to your room! Now!
Bart: Okay, I'll take some white meat and some stuffing to go and send in the pumpkin pie in about twenty minutes.
Homer: I said now!
Bart: Mom do I have too?
Marge: Yes you do! I hope your happy Bart! You ruined Thanksgiving!
Marge: Question 2: "Who is your son's hero?"
Homer: Steve McQueen.
Marge: That's your hero! "Name another dad you talk to about parenting."
Homer: Next
Marge: "What are your son's hobbies?"
Homer: Well, he's always chewing on the phone cord.
Marge: He hasn't done that since he was two!
Homer: Then he has no hobbies!
Marge: I'm worried about Mrs Krabappel
Bart: No worries, I heard in the old four square court she was doing great
Lisa: No one even plays four square anymore, they just gossip
Marge: Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test? Homer, shouldn't we have gone with a better-known brand?
Homer: But Marge, this one came with a corn-cob pipe!
Marge: You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy.
Homer: No, the Army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb.
Lisa: And any time I hear the wind blow, it will whisper the name: Edna.
Marge: Oh, that's very good, Lisa!
Homer: P.S. I am gay.
Chief Wiggum: I'd like to help you ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters.
Marge: (indignantly) I'm pretty sure there is.
Chief Wiggum: Hah! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle --
Lou: Hey, she's right, Chief. (shows him "Springfield Law".)
Chief Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's ALSO illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.
(Shot of Eddie the cop with squirrels running around in his pants, and a bunch of cops watching and laughing) Boys, knock it off!
Homer: Ooh, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
Lisa: I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.
Marge: Bart, run down to the store and get a big bag of ice for your father.
Bart: Yes'm. (to Homer) Dad, I know you're discouraged, but please don't deny the world your fat can.
Homer: Don't worry, boy. He'll be ready for your Aunt Selma's birthday.
Lisa: I knew it.
Homer: Honey, could you do me a favor and fill out this form?
Marge: Homer this is an intimate phsychological profile, I can't fill this out for you!
Homer: Alright. Alright. I'll get Lisa to do it!
Marge: Bart, I asked you to watch your sister.
Bart: I tried to stop her, but she overpowered me!
Marge: Look, Homer, it's the IRS.
Homer: Boo!
IRS Agent: Oh boo, yourself!
Mr. Burns: Incidentally, thank you for not making fun of my genitalia. (Mr. Burns walks away)
Marge: I thought I did.
