Chris: Brian's the new Meg! Brian's the new Meg!
Meg: Yeah, you're the new me!
Peter: Shut up, Meg.

Lois: I now understand that eating is not the way to solve my problems. You hear that, Meg?
Meg: For your information, Mom, I don't eat to solve my problems. I cut myself. Is that better?
Lois: Chris we all love your hat.
Chris: Thanks Mom!

Meg: I miss Uncle Patrick.
Lois: Don't worry kids I promise we can visit him once a month.
Chris: We'll be his period.

Peter: I'm home!
Lois: Peter?!
Chris: Dad!
Meg: Daddy!
Stewie: What's your name? Is it Alan?

Meg: Wow, this looks just like my room at home.
Lois: Yeah except for the all the trophies and pictures of friends.

Lois: I'm gonna become a model!
Peter: Hey that's fantastic Lois, and I'll pleasure myself to your photos.
Chris: Me too!
Meg: Me Too!
Peter: Oh God Meg, that's SICK! That's your mother!
Meg: I'm just trying to fit in.
Peter: Get out, get out of this house!

Meg: Dad, how can you be okay with Mom parading herself around like that? I mean, she's half-naked! It makes all women look bad.
Peter: Meg... who let you back in the house?

Meg: Finally! Look Mom I've had it. I'm not babysitting anymore. It's Saturday night I could be out having a life.
Lois: Meg, if you don't wanna baby-sit anymore that's fine, but don't you stand there and lie to me.
Peter: OH-HO Meg, she torched your ass man! She torched your ass

Meg: I can't believe he's over me.
Mort: I can't believe I'm out 34 grand!
Peter: I can't believe it's not butter! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Stick around, more Family Guy coming up

Cecilia: Neil is such an amazing guy. We just make an absolutely perfect couple.
Meg: You know...Neil liked me first and I was gonna go out with him when I was ready to settle for him. Get your own spaz!

Chris: My dad is smarter than your dad.
Meg: We have the same dad, idiot!
Chris: Yeah, but mine's smarter!

Meg [about Peter being retarded]: I can't believe this is happening to me! I can never go back to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not two years of grotesque appearance, or awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight!

Family Guy Quotes

Chris: Mr. Woods. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Oh Chris, I'm your father, call me "dad".
Chris: Um, okay, dad. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Well, there's a number of ways Chris. Uh, for example, Kate Moss and I had the same coke supplier, and he threw a punch social one day, and we both happened to be there, and the next thing you know, we're both in the back room, slam bang. I went bareback, babe.
Chris: Wow, she sounds like a class act.
James Woods: No, not at all Chris. No, not at all.

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)