Moe: Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney: Maybe your standards are too high! (bar laughs)
Moe: (To Bart) You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!

Moe: Barney, don't steal any beer while I'm gone.
Barney: What kind of pathetic drunk do you take me for? Somebody spilled beer in this ashtray!

Homer: Moe, have you ever felt unattractive?
Moe: Mmmm, no.
Homer: How about you, Barney?
Barney: Not for a second! (*belch*)

(Homer is watching The Three Stooges)
Lady: You must be the three chyropractors I sent for, now start manipulating my spine.
Curly: Hey Moe, we don't know anything about manipulatin'
Moe: You heard the lady, grab her spine and get crackin.
Homer: Hehehe.. Moe is their leader.

Homer: Oh no, I went to this bar the other night and the.
Moe: Hey, wawait a minute. You went to another bar?
Homer: Moe, I was 100 miles out of town!
Moe: Oh Homer...

Lisa: Dad, I'm making the Chiefs my 5 star silver bullet special. And with your blessing, I'd like to tie it to the Cowboys, plus 5 in Chicago.
Homer: Good, Good. You Call Moe.
Lisa: (Dials phone) Hello, Moe? It's L.S. calling for H.S--
Moe: Just give me the numbers Lisa.

Moe: I'm sorry Homer, you can't take any more of my money, I'm out of the bookie business.
Barney: But Moe, you've been taking bets all
Moe: Hey Barney, how bout a free beer!
Barney: Wow!
Homer: Don't worry, Moe, I'm not betting.
Moe: What!? Gimmie that.
Barney: Ooow!

Bart: I'm looking for a Mrs. O'Problem, first name Bea.
Moe: Uh, yeah just a minute, I'll check. (Calling) Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem?!
Barney: You sure do!
(The customers laugh)
Moe: It's you, isn't it!
(Bart laughs)
Moe: Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!

(about Bart) He's a pip this one is.

Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Wha? I'm sorry, Homer I couldn't hear you
Homer: I said you just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Huh?
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Homer you're going to have to speak up!
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer, Moe!
Moe: I've forced myself to wha?
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Homer.. I'll talk to you tomorrow!
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Yeah you can use it!

Business is slow. People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.

Barney: Hey, what's this?
Moe: A sneeze guard.
Barney: (sneezes) Wow, it really works!

The Simpsons Quotes

Officer Eddie: (reading Steve Sax's license) Well well, Steve Sax, from New York City.
Officer Lou: I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
(Lou and Eddie laugh)
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Officer Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart