Don't think of it as 20 years -- think of it as two 10 year olds, you sick freak.

You got a good body man, why do you hide it under your robe?

Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing -- that's great.

You go home and tell your mother, she's supposed to be a parent, not a friend.

There's nothing here, besides a weird life-sized doll made out of all the stuff that was stolen.

Just last week I let you watch me complain after I ate too many hot wings.

Lois: I thought you said you'd take care of it!
Peter: I did. He slept with it, now he'll slowly grow to hate it for the next 20 years.

Chris: Hey Heather I made your favorite cookies, now I want to hear about your day.
Peter: Hey Lois I heard Katherine Heigl likes to french kiss.
Lois: Oh my god, Chris treats that pile of junk better than Peter treats me!

Chris: What should I do dad??
Peter: I don't know -- where's that girlfriend of yours, she seems cool?

Quagmire: Is your baby pregnant?
Peter: I dunno, Lois is in charge of the kids.

Peter: Alright, lets dope her up good -- get that mouth off her.
Cleveland: No Peter! The problem is you!

Peter: No, you're not supposed to hit it into the water.
Lois: But you hit it into the water.
Peter: I know I hit it into the water.
Lois: But why do they have water if you're not supposed to hit it there.
Peter: Because it's fun! We're having fun!

Family Guy Quotes

Aunt Margarite [on her video will]: Lois, you were always my favorite niece; I just knew you would find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. But I was wrong.
Peter: And now you're dead. Score one for Peter

But now that you mention it, your face looks like a used condom.

Quagmire