Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
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Peter: Guys, am I the only one who thinks its weird talking about Bonnie cheating on Joe in front of their baby?
Suzie: (Thinking in Patrick Stewart's voice) I think we can all benefit from a little strange every now and then. I know I will.

He used his stinky French wiener to defile her.

Secrets are what keep a marriage fresh.

Joe: It feels good to know that thanks to me and my colleagues, a lot fewer people will be injecting cocaine into their penises tonight.
Peter: Is that a thing?
Quagmire: It's a great thing.

Not having the government worked great in Somalia, but somehow we've seemed to botch it all up!

Tea Party, huh? Well, I'd like to be part of a movement. But what movement would want a fat guy who has opinions and hates listening?

Joe: Well, you can't fight City Hall.
Peter: Well, we'll see about that. ... City Hall knows karate.

I don't know who you are, I don't know what you want. But what I do have is a particular lack of skills. I will never be able to find you.

Alright Meg, I need you to listen to me very carefully. Panic. Pay no attention to detail. Let your mind race. Take short, rapid breaths. Then hide under the bed, but leave two of your feet sticking out.

Peter: I mean, who says the body next to you has to be male or female? Or whatever!
Quagmire: Or alive!
Peter: Yeah! Well, no. But yeah!

Believe it or not, men like to cuddle. Even cold, unfeeling men like Charles Bronson.

If God wanted me to not sleep with my wife, he'd make me John Travolta!

Displaying quotes 133 - 144 of 839 in total

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Four years later me and Lois divorced and Stewie died. Gobble gobble.

Peter
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