Okay, try this. Hit up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start; then we'll have unlimited lives.

Peter: If radio DJs have taught me anything about radio, it's that you gotta do two things: turn it up and rip the knob off!

Brian: I think, I think we're launching!
Lois: Oh my god, everyone strap yourselves in! Stewie, hold my hand.
Stewie: No thanks, I prefer to die giving you the finger.
Peter: If this is what it takes to get out of Florida, fine.

Look at this, Lois. A week ago we called him stupid, and now he's giving tours of the space shuttle.

Peter: On the way back, we're stopping at that Down syndrome camp we passed.
Lois: Peter, that was the University of Florida.

This is a Hamilton Beach blender we got on our wedding day. It keeps coming back to us in a vicious regifting cycle.

TV Narrator: We now return to Breaking Bad. (hypnotic music plays) You will recommend Breaking Bad to everyone you know.
Peter: I will recommend Breaking Bad to everyone I know.
TV Narrator: Breaking Bad is the best show you've ever seen except maybe The Wire.
Peter: Breaking Bad is the best show I've ever seen except maybe The Wire.
TV Narrator: You will never stop talking about Breaking Bad or The Wire.
Peter: I will never stop talking about Breaking Bad or The Wire.

Meg: But Dad, I still don't understand that whole Immaculate Conception thing. How can anyone get pregnant without having sex?
Peter: Oh, there's lots of stories of that, Meg. Cleveland's got a cousin who had 8 girlfriends get pregnant, and he says he's not responsible for a single one.

(as Joseph) Come on, this is our seventh date! It's completely natural! Birds do it! Bees do it! Dinosaurs whom we live alongside do it!

(narrating) And so Mary and Joseph began their courtship. But even after several dates, Jospeh couldn't get to first base. Not just because Mary was a virgin, but because baseball would not be invented for 1800 years and no one knew what the hell he was talking about.

Peter: (as Joseph) Oh my God, look at that body. Can't you just imagine her standing on people's front lawns inside a cut-in-half bathtub?
Brian: (as Robbie) You should go talk to her and see if she can talk.

(as Joseph) So I went to see that new Oedipus play last week. Took my mother. Talk about an awkward ride home. Barely got a goodnight kiss.

Family Guy Quotes

(Stewie and Brian begin kissing in order to get thrown out of the Army)
Stewie: Wow, look at how gay we are! I am so gay with my gayness!
Brian: Me, too! I'm...I'm a homo.
Army Guy: Any room for one more?
Stewie: Hell yeah!
(Brian smacks Stewie)

No matter how low I turn the volume, Aziz Ansari is always shouting at me. What did I do?

Stewie