Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family-guy

Billy: Don't take this the wrong way, but have you actually got a penis?
Peter: Yes.
Billy: Where... where is it?
Peter: It's in there.
Billy: Are you sure, so it's like all snuffled up in there is it?
Peter: Oh, the hell with this... Lois, get the ruler. We're measuring again, and this time, I decide where the base is.

"Hey Lois, that not-Stewie kid fell over."

"I was 18 and my body was firm from push-ups and sit-ups..."

Peter: "I'M Back Bush?"
Quagmire: "This can't be a surprise to you, Peter."
Peter: "Yea, I knew, I just didn't know you knew!"

"I'm not afraid to stand up to friends. Just ask Spartacus!"

"You don't now how smooth Quagmire is...he's like a vagician!"

Peter: "And tell the African-American elevator employee that he can stop wearing gloves."
Carter: "Why don't you just tell him that he can sleep with my wife too!"

"Yes, the penis one."

Peter: "Well at least we have a jury of our peers."
Joe: "I don't think THEY see it that way, Peter."

"Keith Urban...Brett Favre....William H. Macy?"

"Wow! I had never believed in the Holocaust until now."

"Hey Joe, what's your favorite preparation of a tomato? Is it "son died" tomato?"

Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 834 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Boy, fat sex is the best sex we've ever had! Last night there were so many boobs I didn't know who's boobs I was grabbin'!

Peter
x Close Ad