Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family-guy

Stewie: No, that's great, actually because, now anyone walking behind you will know you had 60 dollars.
Peter: Whoa, that is awesome, Lois! Your bum looks like an NBA star's arm! Except it's not paying someone to install a Playstation in a car.

Chris: Dad, how did you get Mom out of the house so we could decorate?
Peter: Well Chris, I constructed a very elaborate fake grocery store.

Lois: He seems nice.
Peter: Sorry, I missed all that. I was tweeting.

There's an apartment above that Arby's, with toys in the window. Someone has built a life there. What a mess.

Peter: I like that you can tell me your stories starting at the Clam and end it on a ferris wheel.
Quagmire: Yeah, people are starving in Africa and I'm in a carnival with my best buddies on a beautiful night. Blessings. Blessings.

Well, it's up to you buddy. Save this marriage.

Lois: Peter, you left the flap open!
Peter: It's like a thousand degrees in here, Lois!
Lois: Close the tent now, it's freezing!
Peter: Headline: "Woman Cold."

Peter: Guys, be sure to look down the whole time. It's really deep and freaky and disoritenting! [falls] It's okay, there'a huge pile of dead bodies down here that cushioned my fall.
Lois: Do any of them seem like they have any extra tampons in their backpack?
Peter Uh, no.
Lois: No like you checked and there aren't any no, or no you're just assuming?
Peter: I'm embarassed.

Peter: Truth is, I don't know nothing about this place. I don't even know why it's called Nepal. [Cutaway]
God: These mountains look like nipples.
Jesus: Well you can't just call a country Nipples.
God: How about, "Nepal?"
Jesus: Ooh, I like that.
God: Shocker, God gets it right.

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