Peter Griffin Quotes
Peter: You gotta help me Brian. Teach me how to be a gentleman.
Brian: Well, Peter, it's not really that hard. Let's start with polite conversation. For example, 'it's a pleasure to see you again. Lovely weather we're having.' Now you try.
Peter: 'It's a pleasure to see you again. After Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex.' How's that?
Brian: Wow. Perfect. My work is done. But just for the heck of it, let's try it again
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?
Peter: I do... You bastard
Aunt Margarite [on her video will]: Lois, you were always my favorite niece; I just knew you would find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. But I was wrong.
Peter: And now you're dead. Score one for Peter
Coco: You simply must join us in a game of baccarat.
Peter: Right baccarat atcha!
Stewie: We're in the robot chicken universe
Peter: Will you guys move, you're blocking the tv
Chris: Look! GI Joe, Transformers, Thunder Cats, He-Man. Yay! Those shows existed!
Stewie: how does it feel to be on a major network for 30 seconds
Chris: $!%@ you!
Carnie: Step right up, step right up! You won't believe your eyes. Step right up and see the amazing half man, half clam.
Peter: What a ripoff, it's just Kim Cattrall sitting Indian style
Peter: Sometimes we all need a second chance. Sometimes we all need to forgive!
Chris: I stole ten dollars from Meg's room.
Meg: I stole ten dollars from mom's purse.
Lois: I've been making counterfeit ten dollar bills for years
Meg: Ugh, it' so hot out there.
Griffins: How hot is it?
Meg: I don't know. Like around 98, 99.
Peter: I don't get it
All Brian's ever wanted is the same respect he gives us. Well, that and snausages. He's freakin' mental for those snausages!
Alex Trebek: For $800, this chemical dye is found in over 95% of all cosmetic products.
Peter Griffin: Diarrhea! What? Oh, oh, oh sorry, sorry. What is Diarrhea?
Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says, "Oooooo!"
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios
Peter: Huh, I didn't know anyone in this family had any talent. Well, except for that thing your mother does.
Chris: You mean play the piano?
Peter: No no, she... yeah