Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX

Here's to our wives. They may not be as hot as the women you see on TV, or as entertaining. [pause] But, know, I don't know where I'm going with this

Steve: Well, well, Officer Swanson. You and your friends are dead, you're all dead!
Peter: Oh, good, he thinks we're zombies. He'll leave us alone

Lois: Peter, I was up all night waiting for you, where were you?
Peter: Where was I? Where were YOU?
Lois: Out drinking. But I got back at two

Cleveland: Look at all the damage!
Peter: Thank God the open air debris garden is still intact

Nigel: Yes, and I'm afraid I'm the limey bastard who's purchased your bar. A bit of an awkward moment, really.
Peter: Awkward moment? I'll give you an awkward moment. One time during sex I called Lois "Frank". Your move, Sherlock

Peter [to Queen's Guard]: Hell, I thought you English guys never move.
Guard: No. That's just our women

Bartender: Evening, gents! How about a nice, warm lager?
Englishman: And help yourself to a packet of crisps.
Englishman Two: Or a ruddy nice plum pudding.
Peter: Holy crap, it's a gay bar!

You may have killed her when you shoved all those dollar bills down her throat, you may have killed her when you hit her with the stool... I don't know, I'm not a doctor. But I'll tell you what didn't kill her.... smoking!

Oh, yeah, yeah, that plane crash I told you about... it turned out to be gas

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