South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Towelie: Don't forget to bring a towel.
Stan: What?
Towelie: When you get out of the water you need to dry off right away to avoid catching a cold. That's why Towelie says, don't forget to bring a towel!
Stan: Okay!
Kyle: Thanks Towelie.
Towelie: You wanna get high?
Kyle: No.

Military Leader: Hello, boys. How are you doing?
Stan: Fine.
Military Leader: Say, boys, this may sound a little odd, but Have you seen a talking towel around anywhere?
Kyle: What? You mean Towelie?
Military Leader: (speaks into the two-way radio) Echo, this is Garrett. I've got a Code 5 in (checks map) Park County, Colorado. I repeat, Code 5, Park County, Colorado.
Cartman: What, dude?
(The Military Leader and soldier drive away.)
Stan: Dude, this is gonna be one long ass day

Stan: Come on, Towelie. The guy said you have the entry code in your memory bank!
Towelie: Hey, it's been a long time...
Cartman: You just have no long-term memory, because you get high all the time!
Towelie: Don't preach to me, fatso!
Cartman: I can preach to you all I want, because you're stupid!
Towelie: YOU'RE stupid!
Cartman: Yeah, well, you're a towel!
Towelie: YOU'RE a towel!

Stan: Do you have our Okama Gamesphere?
Military Leader: You did very well bring the towel back here, boys. Let me ask you something... What was it that those people at Tynacorp told you? That the "big, bad Military" wanted to turn Towelie into a weapon of mass destruction? Now let me tell you the REAL story...
Stan: Oh, God! Don't care, don't care!
Military Leader: Yes, we've been making our own smart-towels, but only because we HAD to. You see, when we started spying on Tynacorp, we discovered a certain terrifying secret...
(The boys just stand there and stare.)
Military Soldier: Go on! Ask him what terrifying secret!
Kyle: What terrifying secret?
Military Leader: That Tynacorp was using these towels to take over the world!
Cartman: (to Kyle) We're never gonna play our Okama Gamesphere again, are we?
Military Leader: Don't you see what towels like these are capable of?? You get out of the shower and dry yourself off... But then, the towel makes you drier and keeps on making you more dry... Can you imagine it? What it would be like to be way, way too dry? I'll tell you something: you don't want to know, and I don't know.
Kyle: And we don't care.
Military Leader: You've been double-crossed by Tynacorp, kids. They set this all up just so they can get you here and take us down.
Stan: So let me get this straight... Our Okama Gamesphere is back at Tynacorp?
Military Leader: Oh, yes. It has been all along...

Kyle: I don't have to go to the lake!
Cartman: Awesome!
Kyle:She says that's fine, but I still have to go to baseball practice.
Stan: Oh yeah, we've got baseball practice tonight. Goddamn it!
Cartman: We shouldn't have this many responsibilities. We're children!
Stan: It's alright we can still play for 6 more hours, and then we can go play baseball.
Towelie: (walks in) Don't forget to bring a towel!
Kyle: Oh, no.
Towelie : When you're playing sports, the sweat can get in your face. That's why Towelie says "Always keep an extra towel in your duffel bag".
Stan: Okay, we will.
Towelie: All right! (pauses) You wanna get high?
Kyle: No, we don't want to get high.
Towelie: Oh. Okay... Are you sure?
Cartman: Yes! Go away, you stupid towel!
(Towelie walks away.)
Stan: Oh, dude did you see that? I just cut off your face and ate it!
Cartman: That's so cool!

Stan: There it is. The Okama Game Sphere.
Kyle: Dude, it's got 128 gigahertz d-ram.
Stan: What's that?
Kyle: Don't know, but it kicks ass.

Stan: Jesus, is Cartman still in the bathroom?
Kyle: Hey Cartman! We're almost to level 20! Are you giving birth in there or what?
Cartman: Let a man take a crap.
Stan: Dude, he's in there punishing my toilet.
Kyle: Yeah, that poor, poor thing.

Stan: Ok guys focus; it looks like this is going to be an underwater level.
Towelie: (high; slurred) Don't forget to bring a towel.
(the boys laugh)
Cartman: You're the worst character ever, Towelie.
Towelie: I know.

Towelie: Oh man
Stan: What?
Towelie: I am so high right nowI have no idea what's going on.

Okay! That's it! Brake angrily Kenny!

Stan: Don't look at Butters' schlong, gaymo!
Cartman: (in panicking voice) I wasn't looking as his schlong, I was seeing how to put the condom on!
Kyle: Sure.

(Stan & Kyle torture a Jennifer Lopez doll)
Stan: So, we meet again, Jennifer Lopez!
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) No, no, please! This time I swear I won't make albums or movies.
Stan: That's what you said last time, but obviously we must now resort to more drastic measures.
(uses magnifying glass to burn the doll)
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) Oh God it burns! It burns!
Stan: Scream for me, bitch!

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 361 in total

South Park Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron