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South-park

Sharon: Okay, boys, that's it. You have to go now.
Stan: No no, it's okay, Mom. We, we can't go to baseball practice 'cause Kyle has cancer.

Stan: Ok guys focus; it looks like this is going to be an underwater level.
Towelie: (high; slurred) Don't forget to bring a towel.
(the boys laugh)
Cartman: You're the worst character ever, Towelie.
Towelie: I know.

Stan: Come on, Towelie. The guy said you have the entry code in your memory bank!
Towelie: Hey, it's been a long time...
Cartman: You just have no long-term memory, because you get high all the time!
Towelie: Don't preach to me, fatso!
Cartman: I can preach to you all I want, because you're stupid!
Towelie: YOU'RE stupid!
Cartman: Yeah, well, you're a towel!
Towelie: YOU'RE a towel!

Sharon: Stanley, do you know why we grounded you for a month?
Stan: No.
Randy: Beating off the dog is never appropriate when we have company over. (glances at Sharon) I mean EVER! Beating off the dog is never appropriate ever!

Sharon: Stanley, what the hell are you doing?
Stan: I'm beating off the dog.

[Mr. Mackey doesn't know about sex]
Stan: Dude, haven't you ever had intercourse, Mr. Mackey?
Mr. Mackey: Well, sure I have! It's just I was about 19 at the time, so it's been about 21 years, m'kay. Let's see, uh, I'm pretty sure I took the -. Yeah I took the penis, and I but what the hell did I do with that damned thing?

Stan: I had no idea dogs made milk. Do it again.
Cartman: Dumbass, you can only milk a dog once every few hours. It doesn't work if you beat off the dog again right away.

Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
Cartman: I'm milking the dog. They make dog milk.

Stan: But Chef, when IS the right time for us to start having sex?
Chef: It's very simple, children; The right time to start having sex isseventeen.
Kyle: Seventeen?
Chef: Seventeen.
Sheila: So, you mean seventeen as long as you're in love?
Chef: Nope, just seventeen.
Gerald: But what if you're not ready at seventeen?
Chef: Seventeen. You're ready.

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