South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralStan Marsh Quotes
TV Announcer: See Terrance and Phillip live and in person!
Stan: What's this?
Phillip: I'm looking for a mechanic. Can you tell me how to get to the auto garage?
Terrance: Sure, buddy! All you need to do is go down to the - (he farts loudly so nobody could hear what he is saying) - and that's how you get to the auto garage!
Phillip: Can you tell me how to get to the auto garage without farting?
Terrance: Sure. You go the same way except stick your finger up your ass.
Phillip: No, no, no! I mean, could you tell me the directions again without you farting?
Terrance: Ooh! Sure! Just stick your finger up my ass.
Phillip: Alright, no problem, buddy. (sticks finger up his ass) Now, tell me, how do I get to the auto garage to see a mechanic?
Terrance: You're at the auto garage. I am the mechanic.
Phillip: Why the heck didn't you tell me you were the mechanic?
Stan: (watching it on TV) Because I had an itch up my ass.
Terrance: Because I had an itch up my ass.
Stan: The four of us can't help tomorrow night.
Earth Day person: (angrily) YouWhat?
Kyle: Hey! Look at that line! It's way shorter.
Stan: I don't think we're female groupies or random sluts.
Cartman: Kenny's a random slut.
We snuck into that woman's spandex to get in here.
Some thing very terrible has happened in the world of Terrance and Phillip!
Kyle: Dude, Terrance got really fat.
Stan: Yea, he looks terrible.
Cartman: Look, if you don't come and do the show, I'll make you eat your parents.
Phillip: Yeah, whatever, kid.
Stan: He'll do it, dude.
Kyle: Dude, I think it might be best for us to never piss Cartman off again.
Stan: Good call.
Cartman, you are so goddamn stupid it is unbelievable.
Kyle: Thanks for saving us, Stan. You're my super best friend.
Stan: Your my super best friend too, Kyle.
Cartman: Oh, that's so sweet you guys! You want to go get a room so you can make out for a while?
Blainetologist: Where are you going?
(blocks stan from the exit)
Stan: I'm going home?
Blainetologist: You don't want to go home.
Stan: You said we're free to leave whenever we want.
Blainetologist: You are...
Stan: But what about the way?
Blainetologist: I'm not in the way... You are. Are you unhappy with the Church's teachings? Let's just talk about it.
Stan: I don't want to talk about it, I just want to leave.
Blainetologist: Why don't we go in the backroom for a second... Then you can leave.
Stan: That's ok, I... I changed my mind, I'm gonna stay.
Blainetologist (with a sinister smile): That's great news.
