South Park

Stan Marsh Quotes (Page 9)

Kyle: Dude, I think it might be best for us to never piss Cartman off again.
Stan: Good call.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Stan: Cartman, you are so goddamn stupid it is unbelievable.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Stan: Kyle, you can't kill yourself!
Kyle: [in bubble] I don't want to kill myself. They rigged this thing to fill with water!
 • Rating: Unrated

[Stan looks for Kyle but finds Kenny's dead body]
Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: [off-screen] You bastards!
Stan: Kyle? Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: [off-screen] You bastards!
Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! [follows Kyle's voice]
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: Thanks for saving us, Stan. You're my super best friend.
Stan: Your my super best friend too, Kyle.
Cartman: Oh, that's so sweet you guys! You want to go get a room so you can make out for a while?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

[all the boys, except Cartman, look the same with the same clothes and no hair]
Stan: Kyle, I'm starting to think that this is a really bad idea.
Butters: I'm not Kyle, I'm Butters. I thought you were Kyle.
Stan: No, I'm Stan.
Kyle: You're Stan? Where's Kenny?
Stan: Who are you?
Kyle: I'm Kyle.
Cartman: Hehe, guess who I am, guys?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Blainetologist: Where are you going?
(blocks stan from the exit)
Stan: I'm going home?
Blainetologist: You don't want to go home.
Stan: You said we're free to leave whenever we want.
Blainetologist: You are...
Stan: But what about the way?
Blainetologist: I'm not in the way... You are. Are you unhappy with the Church's teachings? Let's just talk about it.
Stan: I don't want to talk about it, I just want to leave.
Blainetologist: Why don't we go in the backroom for a second... Then you can leave.
Stan: That's ok, I... I changed my mind, I'm gonna stay.
Blainetologist (with a sinister smile): That's great news.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Stan trying to convince Kyle to leave with him)
Kyle: I'm not going anywhere.
Stan: Goddamnit I'm not going with you, I wanna stay here.
Kyle: Huh? I thought you wanted to leave.
Stan: Oh wait who am I again?
Kyle: You're Stan.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Stan asking Jesus for help with defeating Blaine)
Jesus: The miracle I'm most famous for is turning water into wine.
Stan: Can you do it again?
Jesus: Very well. I shall perform the miracle. Behold, here you can see ordinary water, clear, clean. Okay now turn around.
(Stan surprised)
Turn around.
(Stan turns around and Jesus replaces the jug of water on the table with a jug of wine)
It is now wine!
Stan: That's it? That's how you did that trick?
Jesus: Uh, well, yeah.
Stan: That trick sucks Jesus.
Jesus: Oh, I guess it worked a little better on people 2,000 years ago.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jesus: Yea, take hold of my robe, Stanley, and do not open your eyes.
Stan: (closes his eyes) I am ready.
(scene changes to Jesus and Stan on an airplane, Stan is still holding on to Jesus and closing his eyes)
Jesus: Are you still keeping your eyes closed?
Stan: Yeah.
Jesus: Good. Want some peanuts?
 • Rating: Unrated

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