Randy: Hey Stan, my computer says we're not friends anymore.
Stan: My Facebook profile went rogue, dad. Had to go into the circuitry and do battle with it. I sent all my friends somewhere else.
Randy: Okay, so we're not friends then?
Stan: Fuck off dad.

Kyle: I could really use a friend right now.
Stan: Okay dude, I'm here for you.
Kyle: Okay, then get on Facebook and fertilize my crops.

Stan: Are you doing that stupid Facebook stuff again?
Cartman: Stupid Facebook stuff...
Stan: Why are you guys in here wasting your time? We're supposed out playing video games.

Stan: Mom says to stop trying to give yourself cancer.
Randy: Just gonna get a little bit of cancer, Stan, tell mom it's okay.

Don't you see guys Christmas is about presents.

</i> Stan

Why does everyone in cartoons have such big heads?

(while making the Christmas Card)
Kyle: Ok. 'woo' mouths again...
Stan: (clicks camera) one. two.
Kyle: So how much done is that?
Stan: "We wish you a m-merry..."
Kyle: Jesus Christ.

Parents can be pretty cruel sometimes dude. They get off on it.

Stan: Dude! You're not gonna believe what Cartman got!
Kyle: Hepatitis B?
Cartman: No dickhole! 4 tickets, 28th row for the "Raging Pussies."

Mark: Let me get this straight. If I go get the fat kid's book on the other side of the white line, you'll show me where a cell phone is.
Stan: Yes, no foolies!
Kindergarten Kids: No foolies!

You got foolied outlander.

Kyle: My parents said I can't go.
Stan: Well of course your parents said you can't go.
Cartman: Dummy, you don't ask if you can go! I'm telling my parents that I'm staying at Stan's house, Stan's telling his parents he's staying at Kenny's house, and Kenny's not telling his parents anything cause they're alcoholics and they don't care!
Kenny: (muffled) Yeah!
Kyle: Oh, well now I already told them.
Cartman: Well I guess you're screwed then.

South Park Quotes

Stan: Hey Cartman, how come the birthday invitation you gave me says "Green Megaman."
Kyle: Yeah, mine says "Red Megaman."
Cartman: Right, that's what your supposed to get me for my birthday.
Stan: DUDE!?!?! You're not supposed to tell people what to give you for your birthday!
Kyle: Yeah, that's weak.
Cartman: Look it's very simple guys. "Green Megaman" goes with "Red Megaman" and "Yellow Megaman" to make the "Ultra Mega Megaman." You have to have all 3 or it doesn't work, see?
Stan: Up yours Cartman, I'll get you whatever the hell I want.
Cartman: Ohh!!! so maybe you don't want to have any of my moms Cake, Pie, and Ice cream then.
Stan: Oh "Gre..Green Megaman" it is.
Cartman: Now as you can see Kenny, you are to get me "Yellow Megaman," that's because the "Yellow Megaman" is the cheapest one and I know how poor your family is.
(Damien walks to table)
Stan: Hey!?!?! what do you think you're doing new kid?
Cartman: Yeah, you can't sit with us weirdo.
Damien: Infidel's!!!! I will turn you all into "Beasts of Burden"!
Kyle: You can't sit with us new kid, go find another table!
(Damien goes and sits with Pip)
Cartman: (sighs) Anyway Kenny, "Yellow Megaman" is only $8.95, so maybe your mom can put it on layaway and make payments in a year, or two.
(Stan, Kyle, and Cartman laugh. Kenny punches Cartman)
Cartman: AYYY!!!!

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman