Randy: Hey Stan, my computer says we're not friends anymore.
Stan: My Facebook profile went rogue, dad. Had to go into the circuitry and do battle with it. I sent all my friends somewhere else.
Randy: Okay, so we're not friends then?
Stan: Fuck off dad.

Kyle: I could really use a friend right now.
Stan: Okay dude, I'm here for you.
Kyle: Okay, then get on Facebook and fertilize my crops.

Stan: Are you doing that stupid Facebook stuff again?
Cartman: Stupid Facebook stuff...
Stan: Why are you guys in here wasting your time? We're supposed out playing video games.

Stan: Mom says to stop trying to give yourself cancer.
Randy: Just gonna get a little bit of cancer, Stan, tell mom it's okay.

Don't you see guys Christmas is about presents.

</i> Stan

Why does everyone in cartoons have such big heads?

(while making the Christmas Card)
Kyle: Ok. 'woo' mouths again...
Stan: (clicks camera) one. two.
Kyle: So how much done is that?
Stan: "We wish you a m-merry..."
Kyle: Jesus Christ.

Parents can be pretty cruel sometimes dude. They get off on it.

Stan: Dude! You're not gonna believe what Cartman got!
Kyle: Hepatitis B?
Cartman: No dickhole! 4 tickets, 28th row for the "Raging Pussies."

Mark: Let me get this straight. If I go get the fat kid's book on the other side of the white line, you'll show me where a cell phone is.
Stan: Yes, no foolies!
Kindergarten Kids: No foolies!

You got foolied outlander.

Kyle: My parents said I can't go.
Stan: Well of course your parents said you can't go.
Cartman: Dummy, you don't ask if you can go! I'm telling my parents that I'm staying at Stan's house, Stan's telling his parents he's staying at Kenny's house, and Kenny's not telling his parents anything cause they're alcoholics and they don't care!
Kenny: (muffled) Yeah!
Kyle: Oh, well now I already told them.
Cartman: Well I guess you're screwed then.

South Park Quotes

Cartman: I'll make you eat your parents.
Ms. Choksondik: What did you say?
Cartman: Nothing

Cock magic isn’t an Asian thing or a Mexican thing. White people do it, too, if they’re poor enough.