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Peter: Brian, can I see that paper for a sec? [Brian hands him the paper] Huh, that's odd. I thought that would be big news.
Brian: You thought what would be big news?
Peter: Well, there seems to be an absence of a certain ornithological piece. A headline regarding mass awareness of a certain avian variety.
Brian: What are you talking about?
Peter: Oh, have you not heard? It was my understanding that everyone had heard...
Brian: Heard what?
Stewie: Brian, don't! [Peter puts the record on and starts dancing and singing]
- Permalink: Brian, can I see that paper for a sec? Huh, that's odd. I thoug...
Stewie: Ah, things'll work out for you. Now, come on, let's forget our problems and get lost in the world of books. [picks up a book] Ooh! "Horton Hears Domestic Violence in the Next Apartment and Doesn't Call 911!"
[Cutaway to Horton the Elephant sitting in a chair reading a book. From another room, we hear a couple arguing]
Man: You think it's easy working all day?!
Man: You think I like it?!
Woman: I don't think it's easy, but, yes, I do think you like it!
Man: No, I- yeah, I like being away from you, 'cause I can't stand looking at you!
Woman: You- [we hear a blow land. She screams and starts sobbing]
Man: Hey, you think I wanna do that?! YOU THINK I WANNA HURT YOU?!
Woman: NOT IN FRONT OF THE BABY- [we hear another blow land, and another scream, followed by more sobbing]
Man: I DON'T WANNA HURT YOU! YOU MAKE ME HURT YOU!
Horton: [to himself] I'm sure there's two sides to this.
- Permalink: Ah, things'll work out for you. Now, come on, let's forget our p...
Brian: Wish it, Want it, Do it.
Stewie: Love it!
- Permalink: Wish it, Want it, Do it. Love it!
What? Writing's the only thing giving your alcoholism any credibility!
- Permalink: What? Writing's the only thing giving your alcoholism any credib...
Look at what they used to pack up boxes of your books! Shredded up pieces of your books!
- Permalink: Look at what they used to pack up boxes of your books! Shredded...
Stewie: It's True Blood.
Brian: No one knows what that is.
Stewie: Rich, gay people do.
- Permalink: It's True Blood. No one knows what that is. Rich, gay people...
Stewie: How do you not know that your reflection in the patio door isn't another dog?
Brian: Hey, that guy is a dick.
- Permalink: How do you not know that your reflection in the patio door isn't...
If anyone's gonna take that bitch down, it's gonna be me.
- Permalink: If anyone's gonna take that bitch down, it's gonna be me.
Stewie: I think a lot of people were looking at me like I was really attractive which makes me think I'm going to grow up to be really good looking.
Brian: What part of that statement is supposed to lure me into a conversation?
Stewie: I talk to you about wet tennis balls!
- Permalink: I think a lot of people were looking at me like I was really att...
I can't help feeling this would be sadder if she weren't heavy....
- Permalink: I can't help feeling this would be sadder if she weren't heavy.....
Darth Vader/Stewie: Luke.
Darth Vader/Stewie: Wait, Luke?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Luke Skywalker?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Oh my god, this is so silly. I was trying to call Luke Adams, his number is right next to yours in my helmet.
- Permalink: Luke. Yeah? Wait, Luke? Yeah? Luke Skywalker? Yea...
Join me and we can rule the galaxy as father and son! Y'know? I mean it doesn't have to be as father and son, it can be just as, a-y'know- as two really close guys who just happen to be men y'know, just, two good-lookin' guys sharin' a cramped office runnin' the galaxy together-y'know just, gettin' the job done y'know- maybe we, maybe we do it occasionally but its not weird y'know cause we're just, two guys with ragin' goals y'know? I mean its not even about the doin' it part- but thats a part of it- but its not- its not the whole thing.Darth Vader/Stewie
- Permalink: Join me and we can rule the galaxy as father and son! Y'know? I ...