Good lord! Am I a... porn baby?!

BILF! Total BILF! Yeah, it's going
totally good... I got about six pacifiers now.

Let's go find a big, black, sassy, nurse. There's always one

Oh interesting, interesting theory Brian. Are you going to tell me Elmo isn't real? Are you going to tell me Spongebob isn't real? And Curious George?

No one vomits at the North Pole, except for Santa's wife, because she has an eating disorder!

Stewie: Brian, why does the North Pole have black teenagers?
Brian: Um, uh, from Katrina?

Santa, now we've got a slight problem here because I've been rather naughty. But you're a business man, I'm a business man, I'm sure we (starts flicking dollar bills) can work something out.

Paul: You fondled me in my sleep?
Stewie: Yep.
Paul: I'm not sure I'm okay with that.
Stewie: Well, it's done.

Stewie: Just hang on! All right?! There's a lot of us! There's a lot-- It's a big order!
Stewart: What time do they stop serving breakfast?
Stewie: It's 3:00!
Stewart: Some of them serve breakfast all day.
Stewie: None of 'em serve breakfast all day!
Dorn: Do they have beer?

Drive-Thru Teller: Yes, welcome to McDonald's. Can I help you?
Stewie: Oh, hailing frequencies open, huh? [chuckles] Uh, yeah. We're gonna get 2 McChicken Sandwiches and a Diet Coke and... What do you want, Michael?
Dorn: A McDLT.
Stewie: No. I already told you, they don't make those anymore.
Dorn: You know, sometimes it's a regional thing. You could ask.
Stewie: No McDonald's anywhere makes a McDLT anymore!
Frakes: I'd love a Shamrock Shake if they got any of those.
Stewie: It's September, Jonathan!
Burton: [w/visor on] Stewie, can I take this ****ing headband off?
Stewie: No, LeVar. You're blind. That's the only way you can see.

Sirtis: Stewie, I'm not really much of a fast food eater.
Stewie: Yeah? Can you read my mind? Can you tell what I'm thinking right now? I'm thinkin' "shut up and get a salad".
Spiner: I want some McNuggets.
Stewie: We'll get to you, Brent!

Brian: Oh, there's my laptop. Do you mind? I want to check my e-mail.
Stewie: Go away! I'm editing this music video I'm making for Susie.
Brian: [voice rising in pitch] Oh, really. Music video? Working on a little video there? Little, uh... little music video? Little compilation of visual images to go with the song? Little four minute movie that tells the story of a...
Stewie: Yeah, that only works when I do it.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

I forgot Yelp was a weapon for dumb people, you taught me something today Brian.

Stewie