Help me get some of Peter's tools out of the gay-rage.

She slams us against the monkey bars but none of us have the language skills to call her on it.

I see you have something new going on this week but there's a new teacher in pre-school who deactivates the camera and hits us.

Good lord! Am I a... porn baby?!

BILF! Total BILF! Yeah, it's going
totally good... I got about six pacifiers now.

Let's go find a big, black, sassy, nurse. There's always one

Oh interesting, interesting theory Brian. Are you going to tell me Elmo isn't real? Are you going to tell me Spongebob isn't real? And Curious George?

No one vomits at the North Pole, except for Santa's wife, because she has an eating disorder!

Stewie: Brian, why does the North Pole have black teenagers?
Brian: Um, uh, from Katrina?

Santa, now we've got a slight problem here because I've been rather naughty. But you're a business man, I'm a business man, I'm sure we (starts flicking dollar bills) can work something out.

Paul: You fondled me in my sleep?
Stewie: Yep.
Paul: I'm not sure I'm okay with that.
Stewie: Well, it's done.

Stewie: Just hang on! All right?! There's a lot of us! There's a lot-- It's a big order!
Stewart: What time do they stop serving breakfast?
Stewie: It's 3:00!
Stewart: Some of them serve breakfast all day.
Stewie: None of 'em serve breakfast all day!
Dorn: Do they have beer?

Family Guy Quotes

Peter, are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the show? Peter that's not gonna work, you can't just --

Lois

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)