Stewie Griffin Quotes
She slams us against the monkey bars but none of us have the language skills to call her on it.
I see you have something new going on this week but there's a new teacher in pre-school who deactivates the camera and hits us.
Good lord! Am I a... porn baby?!
BILF! Total BILF! Yeah, it's going
totally good... I got about six pacifiers now.
Let's go find a big, black, sassy, nurse. There's always one
Oh interesting, interesting theory Brian. Are you going to tell me Elmo isn't real? Are you going to tell me Spongebob isn't real? And Curious George?
No one vomits at the North Pole, except for Santa's wife, because she has an eating disorder!
Stewie: Brian, why does the North Pole have black teenagers?
Brian: Um, uh, from Katrina?
Santa, now we've got a slight problem here because I've been rather naughty. But you're a business man, I'm a business man, I'm sure we (starts flicking dollar bills) can work something out.
Paul: You fondled me in my sleep?
Paul: I'm not sure I'm okay with that.
Stewie: Well, it's done.
Stewie: Just hang on! All right?! There's a lot of us! There's a lot-- It's a big order!
Stewart: What time do they stop serving breakfast?
Stewie: It's 3:00!
Stewart: Some of them serve breakfast all day.
Stewie: None of 'em serve breakfast all day!
Dorn: Do they have beer?
Drive-Thru Teller: Yes, welcome to McDonald's. Can I help you?
Stewie: Oh, hailing frequencies open, huh? [chuckles] Uh, yeah. We're gonna get 2 McChicken Sandwiches and a Diet Coke and... What do you want, Michael?
Dorn: A McDLT.
Stewie: No. I already told you, they don't make those anymore.
Dorn: You know, sometimes it's a regional thing. You could ask.
Stewie: No McDonald's anywhere makes a McDLT anymore!
Frakes: I'd love a Shamrock Shake if they got any of those.
Stewie: It's September, Jonathan!
Burton: [w/visor on] Stewie, can I take this ****ing headband off?
Stewie: No, LeVar. You're blind. That's the only way you can see.