Stewie: It's True Blood.
Brian: No one knows what that is.
Stewie: Rich, gay people do.

Stewie: How do you not know that your reflection in the patio door isn't another dog?
Brian: Hey, that guy is a dick.

If anyone's gonna take that bitch down, it's gonna be me.

Stewie: I think a lot of people were looking at me like I was really attractive which makes me think I'm going to grow up to be really good looking.
Brian: What part of that statement is supposed to lure me into a conversation?
Stewie: I talk to you about wet tennis balls!

I can't help feeling this would be sadder if she weren't heavy....

Darth Vader/Stewie: Luke.
Luke/Chris: Yeah?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Wait, Luke?
Luke/Chris: Yeah?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Luke Skywalker?
Luke/Chris: Yeah.
Darth Vader/Stewie: Oh my god, this is so silly. I was trying to call Luke Adams, his number is right next to yours in my helmet.

Join me and we can rule the galaxy as father and son! Y'know? I mean it doesn't have to be as father and son, it can be just as, a-y'know- as two really close guys who just happen to be men y'know, just, two good-lookin' guys sharin' a cramped office runnin' the galaxy together-y'know just, gettin' the job done y'know- maybe we, maybe we do it occasionally but its not weird y'know cause we're just, two guys with ragin' goals y'know? I mean its not even about the doin' it part- but thats a part of it- but its not- its not the whole thing.

Darth Vader/Stewie

Darth Vader/Stewie: Oh, come on, Luke, come join the Dark Side! It's really cool!
Luke/Chris: Well I don't know. Whose on it?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Well um... there's me, the Emperor. This guy Scott,. you'll meet him he's awesome...

It's gotta be a trainwreck down there. Just an absolute casserole of nonsense.

Brian: I don't like strawberry yogurt.
Stewie: Picky for someone who eats from a plastic bowl from the floor every day.

Brian: It's by Charles Dickens.
Stewie: Giggity.

I like what comes out of Lois' breasts better, but I like this too.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley