Stewie Griffin Quotes
Stewie: Brian, guess what? I gave James Woods your novel to read, and you're not gonna believe this!
Brian: Really? Did he like it?
Stewie: He wants to option it and make a movie!
Stewie: No, he didn't really respond to it.
- Permalink: Brian, guess what? I gave James Woods your novel to read, and yo...
Peter: What the hell? Where's my wallet? Ah crap, I must have dropped it at the Barry Manilow concert.
Stewie: Dropped it at the what and where was I?
- Permalink: What the hell? Where's my wallet? Ah crap, I must have dropped i...
Brian: Listen, I need your help, go run into and give me a pair of scissors.
Brian: Why not?
Stewie: Because, you made me watch those two girls and a cup.
(Flashbacks to the incident)
Stewie: Okay, wait. What is this now?
Brian: Just watch.
Stewie: Why are we taping my reactions. (about the camera)
Brian: Just watch.
(Turns to the computer)
Stewie: Okay, they're lesbians clearly.
(Stewie reacts to the video, disgusted, as Brian starts to laugh)
- Permalink: Listen, I need your help, go run into and give me a pair of scis...
Stewie: Well Brian, you've lost your bet. I, or rather my alter-ego Zack Sawyer, am currently the most popular boy at James Woods High.
Brian: Well, Stewie, you got the best of me on this one, congratulations. I guess you'll be hanging up your wig now?
Stewie: Oh no Brian, I'm enjoying myself too much. Do you know I have a date with Connie D'amico this Saturday night at Anal Point?
Brian: Ah, I've heard about that place.
Stewie: Really? What's it like? Because I have no idea.
Brian: Well, uh... I suppose if you imagine it like a parking space that you think "gosh, there's no way I'm gonna be able to fit in there." But then you fold in the side view mirrors, and sure enough, well, look at that.
Stewie: Well, in that scenario, it sounds like I'd rather be the parking space than the car.
Brian: Yeah, that's what I always guessed.
- Permalink: Well Brian, you've lost your bet. I, or rather my alter-ego Zack...
Stewie: (after watching One Tree Hill) God these high school students are lame. I'm a freaking baby, and I'm cooler than they are.
Brian: What the hell do you know about high school?
Stewie: Are you kidding? These kids today are so easy to manipulate. If you plopped me in the middle of a high school, I could be the most popular kid there in a week.
Brian: Really, would you care to place a wager on that?
Stewie: Absolutely, what are the stakes?
Brian: Okay, if I win, and you can't do it, you have to put your nose in Meg's hat and take an eight second inhale.
Stewie: Okay, it's a bet.
Stewie: Kiss on it?
- Permalink: God these high school students are lame. I'm a freaking baby, an...
Stewie: Hey, Brian, knock knock!
Brian: Who's there?
Stewie: (whispering) Two friends, building a house together.
- Permalink: Hey, Brian, knock knock! Who's there? Two friends, building...
(about Meg's wedding dress) Look at her fat shoulders in those spaghetti straps. It's like bread baking around twine!
- Permalink: Look at her fat shoulders in those spaghetti straps. It's like b...
Stewie: Alright Brian, I'm gonna go up to the upper level and run this wire down through the wall. Grab your walkie, I'll call you when I get up there.
(Stewie walks away, is heard over the walkie-talkie)
Stewie: Brian, pick up. Over.
Stewie: Brian, please say "over" when you are finished talking. Over.
Brian: (sighs) What? Over.
Stewie: Do you see the wire yet? Over.
Stewie: Nooooo what? Over.
Brian: No. Over.
Stewie: Okay, I'm gonna start feeding it through. Over.
Brian: Wait, If you haven't started feeding it, why'd ya ask me if I could see it?
Stewie: Didn't copy that. Over.
Brian: I said why did ya ask me if I could see it if you haven't started feeding it. Over.
Stewie: Oh that's better, I can hear you now. Over. Do you see it yet? Over.
Brian: You know, you're a jackass. For the record, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what Brian? Over.
Brian: I said, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what? You've got to finish your sentence. Over.
Brian: That's it, my sentence is over.
Stewie: Your sentence is what, Brian? Over.
Brian: My sentence is- wait a minute. I have to say over, even if the sentence ends with the word over?
Stewie: Ends with the word what, Brian? Over.
(the wire descends through the wall)
Brian: Oh, I see the wire.
Stewie: You see the wire what? Over.
Brian: Over! (yanks on the wire, pulling Stewie down with it)
- Permalink: Alright Brian, I'm gonna go up to the upper level and run this w...
(after they blow the house up)
Brian: Didn't we have an electrician in there today?
Stewie: He left. I'm pretty sure he left.
Brian: Isn't that his truck?
Stewie: Well, by God Brian, we're murderers. I guess this means you'll be going to doggy hell.
(Cuts to Hell. The Devil is scaring dogs with a vacuum cleaner)
- Permalink: Didn't we have an electrician in there today? He left. I'm pre...
Lois: Peter, have you seen Stewie's Speedy Gonzales video? He won't go to sleep without it.
Peter: I threw it away.
Stewie: What?! What the hell man I don't throw away your stuff. And where's my goat?
Lois: Peter, why would you do that?
Peter: Because Speedy Gonzales is an immigrant and a bad influence on our children!
- Permalink: Peter, have you seen Stewie's Speedy Gonzales video? He won't go...
Lois: Peter, why are you wearing that suit?
Stewie: Yes, you look like the statue of liberty's pimp.
(Stewie and Brian share a High-five)
- Permalink: Peter, why are you wearing that suit? Yes, you look like the s...
Won't be long before the police notice Cleveland's disappearance. Black man gone missing, my God the media will be all over that.
- Permalink: Won't be long before the police notice Cleveland's disappearance...