Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
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"All right, I guess this is the night b*tches die."

Stewie: "Brian, is this our vacation?"
Brian: "Yea."
Stewie: "Oh...are we trash?"
Brian: "Kinda."

Omg, everyone's already tweeting "Stewie Just Said That."

You know I'm still young enough that you can drop me off at the fire station, no questions asked.

Yes, it's nice to eat in a sea of white faces, isn't it?

Yeah, I had a giant mobile put in the sky so I can sleep wherever I want.

I don't understand why, if we're a galaxy far far away, we still have to change in Atlanta.

Now listen. Since your mom's out of town and I've got you for the weekend, I was thinking it would be kinda fun if the Emperor and I turned you over to the dark side of the Force!

Join us, Luke. Turn to the backside of the Force.

Can we at least put together a press release that says I resigned of my own accord to pursue other evil projects?

Brian: Stewie, what the hell happened?
Stewie: Oh well, shortly after you left, da Vinci's girlfriend showed up. So I injected her with my DNA.
Brian: You had sex?
Stewie: No, I put my DNA inside of her.
Brian: Right, you had sex.
Stewie: No, what are you not getting? I put a sample of my DNa in a syringe and I injected her on the staircase, on the couch, and on the balcony.

Brian: Stewie! Stewie! Are you ok?
Stewie: (falsetto) You gotta kiss him to wake him up.
Brian: I'm not going to kiss you!
Stewie: Stewie can't hear you. He's not awake. Only a kiss will wake him up!
Brian: Well, I better get Meg.
Stewie: Oh, oh where am I?

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 414 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Peter: As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living! So we all sing Christmas Carols to lull him back to sleep.
Bob: Outrageous, How dare he say such blasphemy! I've got to do something.
Man: Bob, there's nothing you can do.
Bob: Well I guess I'll just have to develop a sense of humour

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)