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Family-guy

You know I'm still young enough that you can drop me off at the fire station, no questions asked.

Yes, it's nice to eat in a sea of white faces, isn't it?

Yeah, I had a giant mobile put in the sky so I can sleep wherever I want.

I don't understand why, if we're a galaxy far far away, we still have to change in Atlanta.

Now listen. Since your mom's out of town and I've got you for the weekend, I was thinking it would be kinda fun if the Emperor and I turned you over to the dark side of the Force!

Join us, Luke. Turn to the backside of the Force.

Can we at least put together a press release that says I resigned of my own accord to pursue other evil projects?

Brian: Stewie, what the hell happened?
Stewie: Oh well, shortly after you left, da Vinci's girlfriend showed up. So I injected her with my DNA.
Brian: You had sex?
Stewie: No, I put my DNA inside of her.
Brian: Right, you had sex.
Stewie: No, what are you not getting? I put a sample of my DNa in a syringe and I injected her on the staircase, on the couch, and on the balcony.

Brian: Stewie! Stewie! Are you ok?
Stewie: (falsetto) You gotta kiss him to wake him up.
Brian: I'm not going to kiss you!
Stewie: Stewie can't hear you. He's not awake. Only a kiss will wake him up!
Brian: Well, I better get Meg.
Stewie: Oh, oh where am I?

Bertram: You're about to be yesterday's hopscotch chalk on the sidewalk Stewie! (Pause) Erased!
Stewie: Yea, yea, I got the metaphor.

Bertram: Stewie!
Stewie: That's my name. Don't wear it out!
Leonardo da Vinci: Ahahahahaha!
Stewie: See, that's brand new to him.

Brian: So that means you're Italian.
Stewie: Of course! My love for spaghetti-o's and smoking on the toilet! It all makes sense!
Brian: Ew.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 411 in total

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Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley
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