Alan: Charlie, please don't make a bad situation worse. Judith and Liz have been at each other's throats for years.
Charlie: Why's that?
Alan: I don't know. Maybe it is because Liz was always more popular, maybe because Judith was smarter, maybe, and this is just a theory on my part, it had something to do with the fact that Liz did my brother in the coatroom at our wedding reception.
Charlie: Well, it is no secret why she was popular.
Alan: At our wedding reception, Charlie. In the coatroom. You where louder then the band!
Charlie: You make it sound so sleazy.
Alan: I'm sorry. Class it up for me.
Charlie: Okay, to begin with, we were on a mink coat...
Alan: Goodbye!


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Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 19 Quotes

Judith: Don't you think you've had enough to drink at the magic show, Evelyn?
Evelyn: Excuse me, darling, but some of us deal with our boredom and depression the old-fashioned, non-prescription way

Alan: Judith's sister is hitting on me.
Charlie: She's not hitting on you, she's hitting on her sister's ex-husband.
Alan: But that's me!