Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men

Alan: Charlie, wake up! You need to see this.
Charlie: Can I throw up in it?
Alan: No.
Charlie: Well, then I don't need to see it.
Alan: Charlie, do you remember what you did last night?
Charlie: (looks at his tuxedo) Oh, damn it, did I get married?
Alan: Hardly. (shows Charlie the paper)
Charlie: Oh, you just know she's going to find some way to make this my fault.


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Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 6 Quotes, Charlie Harper Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 6 Quotes

Charlie: Hey.
Linda: What are you doing here?
Charlie: I came to apologize. I am sorry about last night.
Linda: You're sorry? For ruining one of the most important nights of my career. For embarrassing me within an inch of my life?
Charlie: Well, yeah! Unless I did something else.
Linda: No, you did quite enough, thank you.
Charlie: Look, I understand why you're mad, but it really wasn't my fault. I was nervous about last night, so my mother gave me what I assume was one of her tranquilizers. But now I'm thinking it was a little something she had left over from Woodstock.

Alan: Pretty flowers.
Charlie: Thanks
Alan: Want to stick them in something?

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