Jake: Dad, if Uncle Charlie let you kick him in the nuts would that make you guys even?
Alan: No.
Jake [to Charlie]: Boy, he's really mad at you

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Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 6 Quotes

Alan: You cracked the parental code on the cable box again didn't you?
Jake: It's 1234. Even a monkey could crack that

Alan: Tell Jake what you told me last night.
Charlie: Oh, okay, sure. Jake, your father didn't steal the Silly Putty, I did.
Jake: Really?
Charlie: Yeah, I stuck it in his pocket, so if anything happened, he'd be the one to get in trouble.
Alan: What do you think now, Jake?
Jake: I think Uncle Charlie's a genius