Berta: Hey, Alan, your mom called. She gave me the news.
Alan: Oh, God!
Berta: Come here. I'm proud of ya, Zippy! The world is a much happier place once you figure out whether you're the pin or the cushion

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Alan Harper Quotes, Berta Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 21 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 21 Quotes

Jake: You smell like strawberries.
Sophie: It's my lip gloss.
Jake: Does it taste like it smells?
Sophie: You wanna find out?
Jake: Sure!
[Sophie leans in to kiss Jake, Jake uses a finger to wipe her lip gloss off, then proceeds to eat it]
Jake: Mm

Dr. Freeman: Have you ever had sex with a man?
Charlie: No! No! Absolutely not! All right, I copped a feel once but I was drunk and he had breasts