Lisa: List your three favorite books and how they have influenced your life.
Homer: Is "TV Guide" a book?
Lisa: No.
Homer: "Son of Sniglet?"
Lisa: No.
Homer: Katherine Hepburn's "Me?"
Lisa: No!
Homer: Oh, I suck!

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The Simpsons Season 5 Episode 3 Quotes

Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...

Homer: Marge, try to understand. There are two kinds of college students: jocks and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.