Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPopular Family Guy Quotes
Well, dad, I can tell you from experience, it's only wen you worst fears come true that you get to find out how strong you really are.
Joe
Lois: Wow, Doctor Hartman, that's really short. I suppose it's fine if he's going to die at 14. Is there anything there about that?
Dr. Hartman: Well, we learned in medical school that the short ones do go faster, because they smell more farts than the rest of us.
Stewie: Doesn't it boether you being an adult man who's that short, 'cause the doctor said that's where I'm headed.
Tom Cruise: No way, man. In the middle of the word short is "or". Or gives you a choice, and I choose not to be short.
Stewie: Wow. You need a road map for that one.
Brian: You've been hanging out with Tom Cruise?
Stewie: Sure have. We spent the whole day together, and he showed me there are a lot of advantages to being short.
Brian: Yeah? Like what? You're the last one to get wet when it rains?
Stand up is so 20 years ago. Twitter's only three years ago.
Stewie
We act like we didn't take a lot from The Simpsons, but we took a lot from The Simpsons.
Peter
So I was wondering why this tampon commerical was so long, until I realized it was a rerun of Sex and The City
Brian
Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?
Peter
It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.
Stewie
Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.
I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.
Peter
What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.
Peter
