If cellphones worked, every movie would be two minutes long.

Quagmire

• Permalink: If cellphones worked, every movie would be two minutes long.
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I can't go to jail. They'll razz me good on account of my belly.

Peter

• Permalink: I can't go to jail. They'll razz me good on account of my belly.
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We're a team like fish and chips and fat guys.

Quagmire

• Permalink: We're a team like fish and chips and fat guys.
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TV is how stupid losers spend their time.

Peter

• Permalink: TV is how stupid losers spend their time.
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I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you're just a fraud. Like Moses.

Chris

• Permalink: I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you're just a fraud. Like Moses.
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This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care what anyone thinks.

Chris

• Permalink: This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care...
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Success is being true to yourself.

Lois

• Permalink: Success is being true to yourself.
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There's nothing worse than grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving.

Lois

• Permalink: There's nothing worse than grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving.
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You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.

Brian

• Permalink: You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.
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Karen Griffin: I'm just joshing, kid. Auntie's not a biscuit bumper.
Meg: I'm not either.

• Permalink: I'm not either.
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Oh, my God! His chin does kinda look like nuts!

Quagmire

• Permalink: Oh, my God! His chin does kinda look like nuts!
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Can't you just go out there and pretend to have a good time?

Lois

• Permalink: Can't you just go out there and pretend to have a good time?
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