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Family-guy

Brian: You invented a time machine, but you can't get us out of a safe?
Stewie: Yeah, that's science. I'm not Houdini.

Brian: Actually it's called Brian and Stewie.
Stewie: Really? Shouldn't it be person before animal, like Turner & Hooch?
Brian: I don't think that movie is a good example... of anything.

When you jumped through my ceiling, you let an owl in. I know they're supposed to be wise, but all it did was shriek and poop out half digested mice.

Stewie

Uh oh, is it stinky cause I farted? Cause sometimes I can suck them back in.

Peter

Peter: Chris, how are all your friends at school?
Chris: What do you care, you don't even know who my friends are.
Peter: Sure I do... Chandler... Fonzy... and Remington Steele?
Chris: You got lucky, dad.

Yeah that's right. You buy your kid ridiculously homoerotic dolls and then ask what happened. Yep, your gay son is on you, buddy. Explain that one to your god.

Stewie

Tommy Lee: Everyone's special.
Peter: Rock drummer Tommy Lee!
Tommy Lee: And if you're wife ever tells you you're not special, punch her right in her hepatitis.
Peter: Thanks rock drummer Tommy Lee!
Tommy Lee: Hey, you know what else is really cool? Having sex with sun glasses on.
Peter: I have a lot of things to try now.

I'm standing here with Mr. Hawking, the first white man I've ever met who knows math better than me.

Tricia Takanawa

Brian, we're really excited about the ratings, we're just disappointed how low they are.

TV Exec

Hey guys, the chimp just ripped the other girl's boob off. Please tell me you got that on camera.

James Woods

We thought it would be a lot funnier if it was a sitcom.

TV Exec

I discovered a much more precious element. I discovered dad-mium.

Elijah Wood
Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 138 in total

Family Guy Season 8 Quotes

I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws. I call it Big Jaws.

Peter

Thanks honey, say hi to your husband. [device on his belt beeps] Oh, I've got AIDS again, better take my NyQuil Cold, Flu and AIDS. [takes pill] All gone!

Quagmire
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