Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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Brian: Uh no... uh I'm going to meet Jenny's cats.
Peter: What are you talking about? You hate cats.
Brian (gritting his teeth): I'm... going... to... meet... her cats...

Alcoholics... transform!

Peter

She slams us against the monkey bars but none of us have the language skills to call her on it.

Stewie

I see you have something new going on this week but there's a new teacher in pre-school who deactivates the camera and hits us.

Stewie

Tina Fey: I'm better than Jesus!
Lois: Yes, Tina Fey, you're better than Jesus.

Who did Jesus hang around? Mary Magdalene. Who was she? A
prostitute. Which means if they had cameras back then, I bet she
would've done a porno.

Lois

What does it matter what those people in church think? Most of
them are just random background people we never seen before anyways.
Half of them don't even move. The other half just blink.

Peter

Meg [to Chris]: Yea Griffin! Your mom's gross and nasty!
Chris to Meg: Yea suck it! You're a whore daughter!

Good lord! Am I a... porn baby?!

Stewie

I think there was actually more wind back then.

Lois

Oh my god! I thought we were friends! The kind of really good
friends that communicate with each other poorly through Facebook!

Lois

No, you're a lady bigshot... like Miss Piggy!

Lois
Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 149 in total

Family Guy Season 9 Quotes

I can't help feeling this would be sadder if she weren't heavy....

Stewie

I assumed it was for being able to fart the alphabet, which I almost did before I pooped the "s." Owell, everyone was upset on the bus long before that.

Peter
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