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Family-guy

Hey what do you guys do after the screen goes black?

Doctor Hartman

I guess we learned that no matter who you are or where you come from, life is a terrible thing.

Peter

Lois: Oh my god! I think Chris is having a heart attack!
Peter: We're not supposed to leave the table!

Lois: Chris, have you been drinking?
Chris: Yes, have you been aging?

Well high school is like Lord of the Flies. It's like a social experiment. And I hear Canadian high schools are even worse!

Chris

No, no, Peter, you're still you; you're just a teenager, you're not switching genders.

Lois

Damn right I do! It's because I make all the money! I'm the big..."Mamu" around here!

Peter

It's like putting your penis to sleep in a feather bed.

Peter

Meg: Chris, look at what you did!
Chris: You mean look at what two black teenagers did when they stole Dad's bike...

Chris: Hey Meg! I'm going to jump that fire hydrant!
Meg: Chris don't! You're going to wreck Dad's bike!
Chris: Too late! I already narrowed my eyes!

I need these voiceover checks to support my gambling addiction.

Bonnie

Meg: We haven't made love in two weeks!
Joe: We haven't made love ever!

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 149 in total

Family Guy Season 9 Quotes

Brian: Stewie! Stewie! Are you ok?
Stewie: (falsetto) You gotta kiss him to wake him up.
Brian: I'm not going to kiss you!
Stewie: Stewie can't hear you. He's not awake. Only a kiss will wake him up!
Brian: Well, I better get Meg.
Stewie: Oh, oh where am I?

You're not going to get away with this, Mr. Google Search!

Peter
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