How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes (Page 10)

Season 5 Episode 10: "The Window"

Ted: I sent a cab with a female driver so she would have no other male interaction until she came to me.
Barney: Where she will still have no interaction with a man. What up? I feel good tonight. Tonight's gonna be good.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: You know how everyone has that guy or girl that no matter what happens, you know will be perfect for you.
Marshall: Lily.
Robin: Mike Shacks.
Barney: That girl over there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 9: "Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap"

Robin: Seriously, you take it.
Ted: You sure?
Robin: Slapsolutely.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: This slap was supposed to be a joyous gift. We've let it come between us.
Robin: Oh my God, you're right. This once pure fruit has turned into a poison slapple.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: I bequeath to you ... the fourth slap.
Ted: Are you saying what we think you're saying?
Marshall: Probably not. Unless you think I'm saying Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap, in which case that's exactly what I'm saying!
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: Last year you got left at the alter, you lost your job. You've come such a long way from then. I'm so proud of you, Ted. You get to slap someone in the face as hard as you can.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: I used think family was a right, but it's a privilege, it needs to be earned.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Robin: That slap is mine Mosby. I've never slapped Barney before... above the waist.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: You slept with one of my best friends.
Robin: What? You said you were okay with that!
Ted: Well I'm not.
Robin: Why didn't you say something at the time?
Ted: Because... I'm still in love with you.
Robin: Do you really want to slap Barney so bad that you would lie about being in love with me?
Ted: I really want to slap him, okay?
 • Rating: Unrated

Mickey: I'm fighting a losing battle with hemroids here.
Marshall: Oh that's of the diseases [from the board game]?
Mickey: No.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Robin, you should get the slap, you're a great slapper. In fact, I want to study slapping under your tutelage. I want to be your slaprentice.
Robin: Don't sell yourself short there, Teddy, you're a slapping rock star. Your name should be Eric Slapton.
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: You only have one slap left are you sure you want to use it today?
Marshall: I figured life is short, slape diem.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 8: "The Playbook"

Robin: Look at me, I've sworn off relationships.
Marshall: She is so about to get married.
Ted: I gotta work on my toast.
Marshall: I gotta make sure my tux fits!
Robin: I will bang your heads together like coconuts.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire: So ... why is he wearing the scuba gear?
Marshall: We don't know, Claire. And it's killing us! It's killing us!
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: See the blonde over there by the bar? Tizzarget acquizzired!
Robin: Barney, don't do this ...
Barney: Oh, give it a rest, pest.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Girl: Really, a genie comes out of it?
Barney: Only if you rub it hard enough.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: I think we all know who's responsible for this.
Lily: Yes we do.
Barney: Al Qaeda.
Lily: No, you idiot. It was me.
Barney: YOU sonofabitch!!!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: You know how many times I've gone looking for frozen waffles in the freezer but there are none?
Robin: Thousands?
Marshall: Millions.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Barney: [narrating] All you have to walk up to every single girl and say "He's not coming."
Girl: What are you talking about?
Barney: Never mind.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Barney: The Lorenzo van Matterhorn will be my triumphant return to the stage! Or, you know, the bed. Actually, my bed is kind of a stage. I could put a platform underneath, make it a real production ...
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

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