How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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I'll believe Jack Palance is dead when I see the body.

Barney

People want the lie. They need the lie!

Barney

Marshall, there's a cartoon of you on our coupon.

Pizza Guy

Fun fact. Each year my mom has Easter tea with her friend named Bunny. Okay not that fun.

Robin

Do I get a vote? Skank lane! Skank lane!

Barney

Who wants a party hat? Look I'm a bird! Let's all be birds!

Marshall

The camera loves me Robin - more than loves me the camera lusts me. The camera wants to put on some nice lingerie, pop in an Al Green CD, dim the lights, and do me as I lie there with my eyes closed.

Barney

Two months - my balls were blu - blu!

Marshall

It is physically impossible for me to take a bad picture - I don't know why, just ask God.

Barney

I've always looked drop dead stone cold amazing - unlike Marshall who always looked dead, stoned, and cold.

Barney

Oh Ted, here's another fun little trivia game it's called - name that bitch.

Lily

Let's take a little walk down random skank lane.

Lily
Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 267 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

My panties would hit the floor so hard they'd end up halfway to China.

Robin